A Child’s Hell

I never understood what I saw,

At such a young, ripe and tender age

But now I know, like thousands before and millions after

I went into a Hell that I’m still trapped in

How can I truly escape from this, even though I have the keys?

Pop, why hurt her? Why Strike her?

Ma, why do you mind rape Pop, scorn him and hate him

That which brought me forth in love and produced an angelic innocence

Has left me stranded in this grey twilight

Abandoned and up against the wind

How could I hold to an example to live by?

When my world now is shaken up

Might as well given them the Gun, because emotionally, they’ve riddled me with bullets

The screaming, the shouting… the terrible fights that wracked my heart

I wanted to cry so badly, but I was so frightened to

Who would be the one to teach me to be a Man?

When the one who was, has done the unthinkable

How could I not feel mistrust for women, when the one who rose up her skirts and gave me birth

Has shown me that misery of being male in this world

As being a bone jarring blow against the soul

Why, Ma?

Why Pa?

What did I … What did I do to be marked to carry such anger in my soul?

Up against the Wind, I am

And I don’t know how to let it go now

I wish that Christ would save me from Drowning in it

I just don’t know who to trust anymore in this nightmare.

For Eighteen years, this poison has flowed,

And the scars in the hearts of they are still so fresh like freshly turned earth

I can still remember the fights, the knives, the broken limbs

Holes in the wall, my screaming soul

Only would I remember that I love them

But do I hate them too… I think I do

But my heart can’t express it,

So I am drifting alone… Up Against The Wind

Hoping someone will shoot me down, free me of this

So that my heart will be unburdened… free