I tried real hard to be a good girl.

I also tried to blend in with each wall.

I felt insecure and always afraid.

I prayed that no one would notice me every day.

Hold on to your books and ignore their leering looks.

Just another day I had to try and keep them away.

I didn’t know until later what made me this way.

When I was young, I didn’t understand.

Then I remembered one horrible night.

Then a friend of my parents approached me one day.

I was 11 or 12, I’m not real sure of the day.

But what happened that night will never go away.

“I’ve taken some others for sodas” he said.

“Today maybe I’ll treat you to one instead.”

I felt so special to hear these words said.

I’m the lucky girl, I thought on this summer day.

I got in his truck, like I had seen others do.

He took me to the bar that my parents always went to.

It was familiar to me, I had been there before.

I reached for the handle on the truck door.

He reached for my hand and made me stop.

“What are you hurrying for?” he asked me.

“Sit for awhile and talk to me.”

Me being young, I didn’t think much of it.

He said “Why are you sitting way over there?

How about moving a little closer to me?”

I moved over not knowing why.

Next thing I knew his hand was on my thigh.

“Sit still” he said “I won’t hurt you.”

I did as I was told, but I started to feel scared.

The owner came out with her hands on her hips.

She looked in the truck, with a knowing look on her face.

He said “Don’t look over at that nosey Bitch,

Just keep your eyes looking straight ahead.”

Next thing I knew she had disappeared inside.

The next time he touched me, it wasn’t my thigh.

His hand was under my clothes, in my most private place.

“Relax” he said “Spread your legs and give me some space.”

I did as he said because he was bigger than me.

His fingers pushed and probed inside of me.

I tried to think of what to do.

Nothing I thought, he’s much bigger then you.

When he was done, he took me inside.

A glass of soda was my reward,

For in his mind I was being such a good girl.

Even as it was handed to me,

He turned to men on the right of the bar.

What he said I’m glad I couldn’t hear.

They all turned at once and looked me straight in the eyes.

That moment, their expressions will always remain,

Burned in my memory, I would never be the same.

I felt dirty, ashamed, oh so many things.

To this day I will never understand.

How this could happen to any young girl.

One woman and four men didn’t do a thing.

They let me stand there and then go home with him.

The police station was only a block away.

Why couldn’t one adult lift a phone that day??

How can they live with what they now knew?

Never a word was said to me about that day.

I did learn one thing that day.

When I saw that blue truck,

I always ran away.

Many years later I saw a picture in the paper.

It was his face smiling back at me.

Sitting in a boat and fishing on a beautiful day!

The rage and hate welled up inside me.

I told my husband and his cousin what that SOB did to me.

For many years my husband couldn’t touch me that way.

I would always find myself pushing him away.

I’m older now and I have forgiven that man.

I was told he passed on a few years later.

His obituary I never did see.

Now he will have to deal with something bigger than he.

I hope God forgives him his sins.

He was only a human and we all make mistakes.

I let go of my anger now and push it away.

I wonder how many young children

He may have touched in that way.

For these poor kids, I will always still pray.