A day when I was just a girl

13 Comments

Poem Commentary

This is a true story and written from pure facts.

Written by Beth, at the age of 47, remembering a time when she was just 11. Keep your eyes out for children who can't fight back!

A day when I was just a girl

 

I tried real hard to be a good girl.

I also tried to blend in with each wall.

I felt insecure and always afraid.

I prayed that no one would notice me every day.

Hold on to your books and ignore their leering looks.

Just another day I had to try and keep them away.

 

I didn’t know until later what made me this way.

When I was young, I didn’t understand.

Then I remembered one horrible night.

Then a friend of my parents approached me one day.

I was 11 or 12, I’m not real sure of the day.

But what happened that night will never go away.

“I’ve taken some others for sodas” he said.

“Today maybe I’ll treat you to one instead.”

 

I felt so special to hear these words said.

I’m the lucky girl, I thought on this summer day.

I got in his truck, like I had seen others do.

He took me to the bar that my parents always went to.

It was familiar to me, I had been there before.

I reached for the handle on the truck door.

He reached for my hand and made me stop.

“What are you hurrying for?” he asked me.

“Sit for awhile and talk to me.”

 

Me being young, I didn’t think much of it.

He said “Why are you sitting way over there?

How about moving a little closer to me?”

I moved over not knowing why.

Next thing I knew his hand was on my thigh.

“Sit still” he said “I won’t hurt you.”

I did as I was told, but I started to feel scared.

 

The owner came out with her hands on her hips.

She looked in the truck, with a knowing look on her face.

He said “Don’t look over at that nosey Bitch,

Just keep your eyes looking straight ahead.”

Next thing I knew she had disappeared inside.

 

The next time he touched me, it wasn’t my thigh.

His hand was under my clothes, in my most private place.

“Relax” he said “Spread your legs and give me some space.”

I did as he said because he was bigger than me.

His fingers pushed and probed inside of me.

I tried to think of what to do.

Nothing I thought, he’s much bigger then you.

 

When he was done, he took me inside.

A glass of soda was my reward,

For in his mind I was being such a good girl.

Even as it was handed to me,

He turned to men on the right of the bar.

What he said I’m glad I couldn’t hear.

They all turned at once and looked me straight in the eyes.

That moment, their expressions will always remain,

Burned in my memory, I would never be the same.

I felt dirty, ashamed, oh so many things.

 

To this day I will never understand.

How this could happen to any young girl.

One woman and four men didn’t do a thing.

They let me stand there and then go home with him.

 

The police station was only a block away.

Why couldn’t one adult lift a phone that day??

How can they live with what they now knew?

Never a word was said to me about that day.

I did learn one thing that day.

When I saw that blue truck,

I always ran away.

 

Many years later I saw a picture in the paper.

It was his face smiling back at me.

Sitting in a boat and fishing on a beautiful day!

The rage and hate welled up inside me.

I told my husband and his cousin what that SOB did to me.

For many years my husband couldn’t touch me that way.

I would always find myself pushing him away.

 

I’m older now and I have forgiven that man.

I was told he passed on a few years later.

His obituary I never did see.

Now he will have to deal with something bigger than he.

I hope God forgives him his sins.

He was only a human and we all make mistakes.

I let go of my anger now and push it away.

I wonder how many young children

He may have touched in that way.

For these poor kids, I will always still pray.

 


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redbloodink commented on A day when I was just a girl

11-28-2009

wow Mommy such pain.... I have a story I'll never share... But to let you know people really do care. I think that these crimes against children are awful and nasty...... Thanx for being strong brave and willing to live a better life after such a thing..... This poem exceeds a rating and should compel others to take action to help and educate others on what this can do to children and how it effects them......

themommyof2

11/28/2009

Sorry you have something in your past that you feel you need to keep secret. I am so sorry that you had to experience anything traumatic. Thank you for your kind words of support.

Beetle726 commented on A day when I was just a girl

11-27-2009

Powerful and emotionally driven story! Can't imagine what horror it was for you. Being a man, I cannot begin to fathom what twisted mind could do that to a child. Your courage is unbelievable.

themommyof2

11/27/2009

Thank you Beetle. Wasn't so brave then, but much stronger as a result.

lonewolf commented on A day when I was just a girl

11-27-2009

I am speechless. First because you had to go through this horrible experience, and second because you had the courage to speak of it. My prayer is that through this poem, other children may be spared. Blessings

themommyof2

11/27/2009

Exactly my intention lone. To open the eyes of others.

Meanjam commented on A day when I was just a girl

11-25-2009

hey...I read it again and again. Everyone handles these things different...were you hoping to find closure by writing this....or were you hoping to show others that they are not alone? OR....are you now at 47 years old realizing that you still need closure??

themommyof2

11/25/2009

I would have to say a bit of each. Mainly to help others and make people AWARE. When I write a subject comes to me and I just let the words flow. I feel I was meant to speak of this at this point in time. Why now, I do not know. I do feel as though I have taken back the power over my own life. I am not sure if that is what you mean by closure, but I think it is for me. I choose to put this in my past where it belongs. I take my power over myself back. I COMMAND MY LIFE. I am a different person now for many different reasons. This was a memory I choose to let go. Put behind me. I hope this answers your question.

RettaJ commented on A day when I was just a girl

11-25-2009

oh wow, that's deep....you are a really good story teller....this poem was sooo surreal and genuine.

themommyof2

11/25/2009

It is a true experience taken from a bad time in my life.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.