In October 2009, I met a beautiful girl online
We became friends and talked now and then
But after a few weeks I stopped hearing from her 
so I dropped her a note to see if she was ok. 
She said that she was going through a bad
time at home. I asked her what was wrong
and she told me...

Seven years earlier, when her big brother was
17, he went away to college. She never heard
from him again.  She asked her mother why he
never called or wrote.  It was then that she
learned the truth. He didn't go away to college.

He had cancer and had left home to die.

He left because he didn't want his baby sister
to see him suffer.  She was given a letter he
had written, to be given to her after his death.
It was beautiful and it brought tears to my eyes.
Even in the face of certain death, all he wanted
was to cheer up his little sister and make her happy.

I wrote her a poem that night called "She Asked About
Her Brother" and told her of another I wrote called
"There Is Always Hope". She read them both and told
me that they made her cry "good tears" and that she 
liked talking to me as I was really helping her to deal 
with all of this.  I told her I was happy to.

A few weeks went by without hearing from her, so I
sent her a note online, which was answered by her
fourteen yr old brother.  He told me he was now using
that account as his sister had gone off to college, so
that's why I hadn't heard from her. I explained everything
to him and he told me he'd give her my email, so we could
contiinue talking, which he did.   But I never heard from her
again.  A couple more weeks went by and he sent me a
note that he needed to talk to me. Something had happened
to Brandy...

He told me that while she was away at college, she grieved
heavily for their brother and one night some friends told her
they were going to take her out for a night of fun to cheer
her up.  While they were walking to their destination, a car
screamed out of the darkness and struck Brandy hard.  She
suffered many broken bones and on Nov 15, 2009, she passed
away.  I cried every day for a week at this news and in fact
when I just typed that she had passed, I started tearing up.

I began talking to her younger brother, Schuyler. He told me
that he felt like his parents didn't love him anymore, that they
were so distant. I tried to help him understand that his parents
were hurting, too. They suffered another horrible loss.  He asked
if it would be ok for him to kill himself. Of course, I told him no.
I told him his parents couldn't handle losing their only other child.

We talked a bit more, then said goodnight...and I never heard from
him again.

A family friend started using that account then and she told me
that Schuyler had indeed commited suicide.  I was heartbroken.
I only knew them online. I didn't even know their last name. I had
no way to notify his parents, to tell them what I knew. Why the
hell didn't I ask him for his mothers email? WHY?!?!?!  I could have
told him I just wanted to talk to her about Brandy and I could told
her what he said.....and he'd still be alive.  Also, why didn't I ask for
Brandy's email before, instead of giving her mine? Maybe, just maybe,
if I'd sent her an email, she would have started talking to me again
and maybe, just maybe, she would have felt just good enough that
her friends wouldn't have asked her out that terrible night....

This weighs so heavily on my heart and on my soul.  I should have
tried SOMETHING!!!! But I did nothing....and two beautiful children
are DEAD.

I will never forget them....and I will never forgive myself.