Trying to find the words to say just how I feel
Having to sort out the difference
Between what is and isn’t real
“There’s a light at the end of the tunnel”
I hear this cliché every day
My light is unusual tho
As it leads “out” in a different way
It’s not a guiding light
That’s warm and kind
It charges at me, fast and furious with a whistle behind it
Leaving me wholly blind
I stand on the tracks staring down this light
With seconds to spare, I ask myself,
“Do I run or do I finish this fight?”
Wanting to reach out
But no hands reach back for me
Wanting to cry out loud
But no hearts are open to me
Trying to figure out what went wrong
Wanting to make it right
Why do I keep getting back up
After I’ve lost the fight
You’d think I’d learn after the first few times
Of getting kicked in the chest
But something kept me hanging on
Despite my lack of rest
I’m exhausted and weak
My spirit bruised and broken
My head is full of thoughts,
Sweet dreams left unspoken
Every day I’m forced to readjust my faith
That everything will work out
For someone else that may be true
But I’m still left with a load of doubt
Something holds me back from doing as tho I should
I want to stand up and face my fears
Tho I’m not sure I could
The light stares me down through the lids of my eyes
My ears are in excruciating pain
As the engine’s whistle cries
I can feel the pull from under the train
As my death draws dangerously near
One last time I ask myself, “What is it that I truly fear?”
I’ve lived my life in agony and pain
Never will I laugh or smile
Or sing and dance in the rain
Never again will I say “I love you”
Never will I hurt again
Never will I weep any longer
My tears have all been cried
You still bring the love with you, it’s true
I found it to be true the moment I …

Written on September 20, 2007