If
You
have struggled
with
concentration organization task completion impulse control
since childhood
you
may be
one of the adults with
attention deficit hyperactive disorder
also known as AfrigginDHD
no shit I thought
as I tried to read this
between a thousand other thoughts
vying for my brain’s attention
poppin’ around in my brain like a microwave bag of Orville Redenbacher’s
except mine don’t ever stop
my friend the doctor
told me that I was ADHD up the ying yang
very professional diagnosis
I thought
as I messed with the psychiatric paraphernalia
on his desk
rearranging the medical notepads in alphabetical order
then in descending thickness
I’m paying you a bunch of $ for this breaking
medical insight into my life
well anyway
at least I know
like I didn’t know
sitting in the waiting room at the therapist
sometimes I think that it would do me good
just to come here and sit
just breathe
not even deep
just conscious breathing
me and the sitting room
the sitting room makes me calm observant
for about a minute
then
I have to get up
check out a few books
the piano
the lamps
and why the sound machine
is off today
are the double doors open
when she is not seeing patients
how big is this place
who plays the piano
why do all of those sound machines have
crickets
gurgling streams
ocean waves
wind
bird sounds
forest sounds
what are forest sounds
why wouldn’t forest sounds be the sound
of a large bull elk kicking some uppity
wolf’s ass
why wouldn’t the sound of
large
snowflakes
hissing
down
through
the
night
be calming
capture that shit somebody
i’m tired of ocean waves
what about the sound of the moon
rising
do they not have the technology or what
that would be soothing
maybe led zepplin
is soothing to some people
if I changed the sounds on the sound machine
would she get mad
if I played the piano softly
while she was seeing another patient would that be rude
even though it would soothe my ass
how does she choose which books
lay under the lamps
and which books stand up straight
I mean if I was a book I’d rather be
standing up straight than laying under a lamp
you have to lift the friggn’ lamp to read me
so
I take the books under the lamps
and replace them with books
standing straight
I hear her
on the phone in the office upstairs
I don’t know if she knows
that I can hear her
one of the things in my life that has gotten better
is not trying to assimilate
into my life
all that goes on around
it
that I have no control of
so that i don’t dwell on inconsequential things
like her on the phone
right
she is talking about a party a jambalaya party
I am going to ask her about
the jambalaya party thing she was talking on the phone about
I have friends that do jambalaya
maybe one of them can do the party
you know what I am most thankful for
spellcheck
but then you still have to watch for words like
to
too
two