Adrift!

5 Comments

Poem Commentary

I found this poem in a notebook - I believe it was written after a breakup I did not want. I hope you like it - it's my first post as I question if I'm any good at this. Any comments would be appreciated. Thank you. Tony Z

Adrift!

Adrift

Suddenly!
Empty space 
Floating through the icy void
My lifeline severed.
I know repair is possible
but
the damage is great
and the tether is almost 
no more.
Frantic!
I scream & kick
trying
to maneuver back
to my ship
It's green windows 
glow 
brighter than I've ever seen them.
Weightless I fear for my very existence
My ship drifts closer then
further away.
It's fuel trails behind
like blonde flowing
hair - wispy and silken.
Tears run down my face 
Scared!
I flashback to a day
on Earth
Warm
Safe
ALIVE!
Now I feel I am dead.
All sensation gone
My mind drifts
again
to words spoken 
and feelings felt.
Extraordinary!!
How could I have 
been so
foolish
My lifeline!
Suddenly I remember 
my ship
It's sleek shape
cuts through space & time
always moving
Elegant
Without my ship Life is
meaningless.
A sand beach
A heart embedded
A message 
DK loves SS
Wow!
How could I have 
been so lucky?
I wonder
as I open my eyes.
My ship is beautiful
and alas I make
contact.
How gentle I 
must be.
Tender - ginger
Do not harm
the nerve center
It's delicate intricacies
entice me to work
quickly.
But slowly is better
Slowly - deliberately
Caring!
I make adjustments and 
I pray
my mistakes
will be forgiven.

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dahlusion commented on Adrift!

09-23-2010

nothing like the shake-y feeling of loosing touch with the Mother Ship and you deliver all of those feelings. Bravo!! Peace and Light, dah

gogant commented on Adrift!

09-22-2010

You make it seem as if losing a gal is like drifting along on the sea of regrets.................don't sweat it....there are lots of ladies waiting to take an ocean cruise with you...or else, you could get a bigger boat, Tony....................Very good.................gogant

TonyZeski

09/22/2010

Thanks. Actually, this poem was written, I'd say...in 1992 or 1993. I found it in an old notebook that was packed away. I read it, and thought it was really good for me so I posted it Thanks again!

rsalassi commented on Adrift!

09-22-2010

You had me up to the end, wondering, please, please, either get back onboard,...but don't drown. And you DIDN'T!!! Good write.

Dano commented on Adrift!

09-21-2010

tony... it is my opionion that you need not worry wheather you are any good at this... this is a fantastic poem... i can feel the ache as you lose your "ship" and the emotion expressed is very vivid... nicely done

A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. It finds the thought and the thought finds the words.

Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

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