hate this world
i hate who've i become
i wish i could be who i was
my dream world is my only safe heaven
i hate who i am ,this is not me
lies,distrusts ,deceit over the years they've made me who Ive become
but that is not me
but being hurt and abandon and left alone
having to learn everything on my the way my mother if toy could call her
that she ever really taught me one thing look out for yourself because nobody Else will and this way i hate my self right because i want to become more than i am and don't know if i ever can let go of my own insecurities I'm best test and i don't know even if i passed I'm starting to find that its easiest not to care at all because because if you don't care than you cant get hurt !things that used to bring you joy just don't fell the same and the more i try to change the more i find I'm just like my mother and i said id never be like her but m more like her than i thought and i hate this about myself and i hate the fact that she ingrained in me to be just like her these words i say fell like acid to me not to mention the fact that i have an ullsuare .but at-lest there's one thing how ever painstakingly true they were i have changed somethings but not everything i left my fear rule me most of the time and I'm always comparing myself to to everybody Else I'm afraid to let him go and do other things because i love him so and i would die without him.hes the one i want to spend the rest of my life with but I'm scared that hell find something and leave and i never be the same ever again i cant breath without him I'm also afraid that if i let him have a mistress that the condom will break and hell have a kid with her and then hell marry her and i don't know if ill be able to love that child that my biggest fear is that hell knock them up and leave me or hell compare me to them or a whole lot of other things but i wont go into detail with that these are all things i HATE ABOUT MY SELF !but I'm trying to change slowly but surely i will be whi i once was hopefully bur back then we were married in the law and now were not that another thing that bugs seance were not legally married that means he could really marry some one Else but then again he says he loves me but i wonder sometimes does he love himself ah hell i just need to get over my own insecurities of my self and get over my own image of myself but easier said then done i don't know if i have the strength to get over them . i wish i was a super human then i could be everything you want me to be and i truly do want to be who i was i love you more than words can say your the best thing that ever happened to me and i want be everything you want .