Almost Suicide
I'll remember the way
that gun sat in my hands,
heavy and cold,
unlike anything
my naive little mind
had ever been familiar with,
with plenty of knobs and buttons and
triggers,
for the rest of my being.
My young life
in the grip of two trembling hands.
Heart, steadily making its way
to my mouth,
and blood rushing in my ears.
Bile rising in my throat.
I'm going to do it.
I'm- I'm going to throw up.
I'm going to squeeze that
knob, button, trigger.
I'm..
Going to go lay down.
Slip the pistol back in
my dads bedside table drawer.
Breathe. Just breathe.
Calm down, steady that inconsistent
heartbeat.
Rid my aching mouth of the taste
of that almost suicide.
Text Rachel back,
the gun is put away,
I'm okay.
that gun sat in my hands,
heavy and cold,
unlike anything
my naive little mind
had ever been familiar with,
with plenty of knobs and buttons and
triggers,
for the rest of my being.
My young life
in the grip of two trembling hands.
Heart, steadily making its way
to my mouth,
and blood rushing in my ears.
Bile rising in my throat.
I'm going to do it.
I'm- I'm going to throw up.
I'm going to squeeze that
knob, button, trigger.
I'm..
Going to go lay down.
Slip the pistol back in
my dads bedside table drawer.
Breathe. Just breathe.
Calm down, steady that inconsistent
heartbeat.
Rid my aching mouth of the taste
of that almost suicide.
Text Rachel back,
the gun is put away,
I'm okay.
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