An Intruder

9 Comments

Tags:
  • Theft
    • ,
  • Scary

    An Intruder

    A train horn breaks the silence

    A siren whirs in the distance

    In the darkness of the night

    all he sees is black and white


    Everyone in the house’s asleep

    A stranger lurks about. He creeps

    Looking for what he can hock

    a TV, a stereo, a ring, a rock


    A man invades a sacred place

    We never saw his filthy face

    Made little noise crossing the carpet floor

    He left wide open our front door


    An Intruder, a guy, a criminal sort,

    broke into my castle, my home, my fort

    He took some objects. Quite a few.

    Do you think this could ever happen to you?

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    cheronld commented on An Intruder

    04-26-2011

    Lol...I loved the somewhat comical tone to this...the feeling that put you into the scene gave me a few chills...we always think it can't happen to us...until...it happens to us...nicely done and I am so glad you are still here...Cher
    Reply to Comment

    MootPoint

    04/26/2011

    Thanks for commenting. :)

    am2anangel commented on An Intruder

    03-15-2011

    very well worded you create a visual journey into a scary situation. well done. -Tonya
    Reply to Comment

    MootPoint

    03/15/2011

    Angel, thanks for the comment. :)

    JadedJezzabel commented on An Intruder

    03-10-2011

    you should have allowed ratings on this........................................................
    Reply to Comment

    JadedJezzabel commented on An Intruder

    03-10-2011

    i know just how you feel moot........kinda details in metaphor what we are going through here at op.
    Reply to Comment

    MootPoint

    03/11/2011

    I try not to get involved in that stuff. Hey, thanks for the comment. -Moot

    Viper89 commented on An Intruder

    02-25-2011

    It probaly could happen to me! Scary thought really! But can I make a suggestion! Leave off the "front" in "He left wide open our front living room door"
    Reply to Comment

    MootPoint

    02/25/2011

    Thanks, I thought about that. I guess front door would be implied. Good call.

    Viper89

    03/16/2011

    "He left wide open our front door" good fix, better than the one I suggested!!!

    MootPoint

    03/16/2011

    Thanks for reading this a second time. Please read more of my stuff. :)

    Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

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