Ascent

1 Comments

Poem Commentary

Part two of the set - the sequel to "Descent." This one was a little forced, but it came out better than I thought it would.

Ascent

    Flying, flying, flying, rising from our dive!
    Feathers gleaming, we've never felt so alive!
    Our lives! Our lives!
    Mortality keen as knives!
    Escaping the chains of our dark defeat
    Our hearts pounding with every fleeting beat
    Laughing we soar, no longer a martyr,
    Leaving the grasp of our prison of water.

    Beyond we wake.
    Beyond they ache.
    The winds around us still as tears our eyes fill,
    But the vision remains oh so real.

    Flying, flying, flying, reversing our dive!
    Wings gleaming, feeling so very alive!
    Feathers shimmering, lovely, glowing as we fly!
    Basking, contented, in the cloak of the night!

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arronpalmer commented on Ascent

11-08-2010

I love this, the clever use of exclamation marks really help to make the reader envision flying, soaring, 'ascending'. I also really dig the idea of split/sequelled poems, especially when their oxymoronic, such as Descent and Ascent here. Very good!

smaffa

11/09/2010

Thank you very much!

If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.

Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.

smaffa’s Poems (33)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Hope Heart-Killer 0
Dream Unto Eternity 1
The Little Rat 0
Bad Weather 3
Go Die, Please 2
By His Side 2
Dreamer 3
Farewell Letter 1
Ascent 1
Descent 1
Life in the Gutter 0
The Hunt 1
Hunter 0
Phantom 1
A Reason 2
AnnEx 1
Summer Day 3
Hell Ride 3
K.I.A. 2
Li La Loo 1
In Time 4
Faulted Heart 3
Vengence 3
Child of Mine 3
Wishing Upon an Angel's Wing 2
Transience 2
Black Widow 2
Night Stalker 3
One Phrase 2
I Can Cry Too 2
Hearts of War 2
Broken Bond 3
Forgotten Land 2