Broken

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Broken

Broken…

            Check it… listen to these words that so hesitantly come out my mouth. Sit right there and don’t think to move out south. I need you to listen to me clearly without any interruptions. I let you make an ass out yourself and right now my heart is on the topic of discussion. Did you really think I would walk away without words to say? Come on now, you should know me better to think that way. Let’s dig in right now and the first thing on my mind is to ask you if you truly believe if I was that blind. Don’t be confuse, I seen all the signs. I just sat back foolishly in love when in reality you were just wasting my time. Remember when you promise me the happily ever after? And the times you promise that you always be with me forever. Well today isn’t forever so I take it your promises were made to be broken.  Now sit up while my words are being spoken. Could you have any clue on how much I adored you? It was proven after the first time you cheated on me how my heart was so true. I dealt with the calls talking to co-conspirators to determine what I already knew that you were a cheater! Did that hurt me? Yes, I felt our end. But instead like a parent I spank you once and told you not to let it happen again.  That was my first mistake and yes today I can admit that I take the blame. I blame myself for falling in love while you were just playing a game. A game you played with my life, mind, heart and emotions. I broke friendships for you that can’t be made unbroken. I have to live with that and sit here and wonder where my former homeys are at. And even after that, I still came back. Trying to prove to you that this was something that I took serious. Yes baby, this was my heart so I wasn’t acting delirious. I knew everything you did and more then you claim. I knew things that you couldn’t understand how I knew and I saw how it drew you insane. Thinking that you would notice my devotion and leave the games for the children. While the whole time, you were building a relationship with someone less willing. Giving them what I work so hard to maintain, to perfect. Having me come to terms of your abuse and neglect. You couldn’t even have the decency to tell me. I had to hear it from your new boo that you were no longer in love with me! Then and only then did you finally admit. That this was something that you didn’t wanted and that you have chosen to quit. I woulda prefer a 2 week notice but I guess the joke on me because the signs were right there…now isn’t that bogus. Even with us ending it still hit me like a hit and run. I just couldn’t come to terms that you and I were really done. I couldn’t eat, sleep, think or speak without thinking of you. It was the hot ass summer of July and all I seen was shades of gray, black and blue. I had to let go of two whole years of my life. I had to tell myself that two whole years I wasn’t living my life right. Do you understand what that did to me? I was broken while you were wandering around free. Every day felt like a year and every week felt even worse. I felt that I was paying the price of stupidity and this was my curse. And it took me a while to get over you and I’ll be lying to say that you’re fully forgotten. But now with you back in town, I get the sense that you’re plotting. What’s your agenda is what I don’t know. What I can tell you is that having you in my life is detrimental to my growth.  I came to the conclusion all those months ago that you made your choice. Now I have to accept that and move on and find my voice. And I thank you for that, which was a lesson you gave me that I will never forget. I can speak; I can talk and say what I want. I don’t have to lie or pretend when a relationship is a stunt. I see that the time has come for me to do without. And for the first time in a long time, I don’t have a doubt. I refuse to be anyone toy or token. I love myself too much to ever again be broken. I still love you for what you did, I even admit that deep inside I still care. But the love that I protected, I fought; I so blindly tried to keep open? Is forever gone…forever broken.

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Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

howardkingram’s Poems (25)

Title Comments
Title Comments
This Is Love 1
This Is Love 0
It can happen... 0
Words from a Broken-hearte
d Poet
4
Sunshine Raindrops 2
Lost-N-Found 1
Blind Eyes... 1
What's keeping you warm on Cold Nights? 0
Questions of Love 0
Life Lesson 1
Broken 0
One Last tear... 0
When & Where 0
Hope... 1
My Prayer 1
Day 0
Love me Again 0
Whose Love is it? 1
YOU WON'T! 2
Journey 2 Love 2
Addiction 1
Reminisce... 2
End 1
Love me Right! 1
"Love Leftovers" 1