Broken

3 Comments

Poem Commentary

When your heart breaks
you don't want to awake
you'd rather sleep with the fishes
or immerse yourself in other missions
but you can't because the pain is real
even though you can't explain how you feel
hope is just a word with no meaning
your home is just a house with no life
forgive your memories for inflicting wounds
but never forget how they became part of the doomed

Broken

This world is so cold and lonely
Last resorts make it the only
World to beat you up inside
While ugly truths you try to hide
Nobody’s here for the children
When they begin life again
If ignorance really is bliss
Why won’t pleasant thoughts dismiss
The neglect of nights like this
When appearances cover like a mist
There must be more to this life
Another page in the book to excite
Another paragraph to redact and rewrite
Another way to save them from their plight
But nothing ever comes alive
Believing makes wishing a moment to cry
Odds are not your friends to try
So they stay awake and wonder why
Nobody came, helped, or even tried
To be the difference for just one night
The sound of silence screams of trial
While the only way to cope is denial

Poem Comments

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Savant commented on Broken

12-31-2009

The title grabbed me, so I had an idea that it might be kinda "sad" but from the first line you did a great job of setting the tone for this piece. It has a personal feel to it but it turns into more of an observation type piece as you jump around from talking about children and friends not helping. The flow was good and you did so without losing meaning. That is not the easiest thing to do. Good work.

Iamadreamr commented on Broken

12-04-2009

I believe that poetry is very important to many of us because it lets us get out what we need.It does not need to rhyme to be a poem.Your words are felt and understood.

If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.

Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.

Kaiprin’s Poems (43)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Forsaken 0
Hatred’s Plea 3
Insanity's Fire 1
Walking in Circles, Waiting for Yesterday's Kiss 1
What Words Couldn't Say 7
Haiku Part 6: T(eas[e/y]) 3
Clarity Haiku 3
Forsaken Haiku 4
Why Should We Try? Haiku 1
The Evening News Haiku 1
Goodbye 1
Late At Night 2
American Ido( l / n't ) 3
Haiku Tangent: What Does It Really Mean? 2
When It's Over 2
Haiku Part 5: The Ghuzal Tragedy 3
Haiku Part 4: Appeal 1
Haiku Part 3: Prey 2
Haiku Part 2: Regrets 7
Haiku Part 1: Safe and Warm 8
Visions of Me In California 3
The Other Side of Me 3
Raindrops on My Piano 2
Look Through Me 2
Any Other Way 1
Changing Chance 1
As I Am 1
Apart 3
The Weekend Sand 2
Why Worry 2
As I Lie Here 3
Broken 3
Two 1
Here To Stay 1
She Won't 2
Slow Down Mister Steep 1
Unwanted Progress 2
Who's That Lady 3
Begin Again 0
Quitting Again 1
Hardly Hidden 0
Facing the Truth 1
Moving On 4