Carving Pumpkins

sometimes i forget that im not alone...
i probably rarely remember it,
in fact id bet,
that this instance,
im wallowing in miserableness...

with pictures of better days
i manage to drink shelves of memories,
in a few moments,
in a few days, my life passes by
like a fourth of july parade,

all the black middles
and all the blinding stars,
rush by like a titan
huffing nitrous
in a rocket fueled car,

i have an addiction to chemical attraction, i
f you ask a close friend
you will know why i cry,
why i try to delouse myself
in the fears of others,

i keep a shiny mask
next to my drawer of ether,
not that i bother
to kill myself daily,
its not a goddamn race,

its just a god damned place,
and for way too long
im on the outside of a fantastic joke,
with no money, no honey,
no bears, no bees,

just knees that keep me in place
when im about to melt
like a catholic priest
sweating over his sins
sending prayers up smoky candles,

i try to rhyme with candles
i come up with dandles
i try to rhyme with pain
i come up with sorrow
im a lecherous swine

i swear to god ill be better tomorrow
just give me a night
to wash in the river
soak up the light
of a world with no lover

a free floating being on a bed of crystal...
my face like porcelain
bending in the moonlight
im a jacked up carved pumpkin
with my own inner sight

you created me out of dust and distain
and i am very plain
i am nothing to sneeze at
a pitful of nothin so
grant me my freedom 

my eyelids are sticking
ive used up my grace
im crawling on elbows knees and face
the wine bottles are empty
the liqour is drained

the smoke is rising
and the sun is ashamed
the night isnt covering my emotions anymore
back to the day
too late for more...