Chances of a Broken Heart

Dear journal,

My heart

Which has grown cold from a bitter love aches even after numbness

I lost the love of my life

I watched him slip through my fingers like a handful of loose grits

When it was over he walked away so effortlessly that I cried twice as hard

My feelings three times as strong

My heart deathly hammered and hanging like a dangling participle, loosely

swinging and swaying from side to side for all the world to see.

I am frayed like the fretted edges of my mother’s 1987 vintage skirt

I am but one tear and pull away from becoming a spool of unraveled thread by

masters’ feet.  But I was willing to be worn again and again and over and over

for you

Oh how I loved you,

And love you,

And leave you and need you,

See you, and keep you, and breathe you,

Visions of our volatile relationship marathon through my mind and play over and

over again like the broken needle over my grandmothers 45's

The song singing like this, "baby baby, baby baby, please say you'll be, please

say you'll be, my sweet angle."

Baby, please say that you will be my sweet angel

And if you say that you won't, than please send somebody my way

To stop the ringing in my ears

All of this beating,

And banging,

And cracking,

And popping,

And the grindin’

Depletes my soul from the noises of grief

If such mourning ever had a sound,

It would echo like my tears,

Sound like my hurt, my ache, my pain,

Sound like some agony that beckons my heart from the grave

There is no love to laugh away the hours

No lovers banging bodies until we are restless

My life is only a mirage of flashes,

Remembering the days when my love for you was enough

I thought that I would be yours until time grew tired

This love,

This passion,

Your yearning,

My fire,

Has all been undone.