• Humor

    Christmas Dinner (WARNING EXPLETIVES USED).


    There’s panic in the kitchen

    From the cook comes plenty a bitchin’

    Fricken bird won’t fit in the cooker

    Frantic hands push, ‘get in you bastard fucker’

    It’s like a reverse birth

    Bloody turkey has too much girth.

    Finally it concedes defeat

    Minus drumsticks, breast and feet.


    Now to relax with a glass of sherry

    To Enjoy family and to be merry.

    Oh no! Yet to do the sprouts, gravy and sauce

    Never mind the first course

    Frantic knife work, one pint of blood lost

    Can’t believe how much this has cost

    Less Band-Aid on radio, more on hand

    The kitchen is by far under-manned.


    Sprouts now done, cooked to a green pulp

    Another glass of sherry, another deep gulp.

    Chef is now a little red in the face

    Looking like he’s been sprayed with mace

    Still, the gravy looks good, one lump or two?

    Starting to think Christmas dinner will be stew.

    All the vegetables are now well done

    Where’s the sherry – give me some?


    Family arrive with plenty a colourful smile

    Trouping to the tree in single file

    A percussion of clattering comes from the food area

    Chef is looking funny, has he got malaria?

    Presents opened, socks, hats and Susan Boyle are exchanged

    Guests unknowing that Christmas dinner has been rearranged

    Chef stumbles from the kitchen completely drunk,

    ‘Cappy Histmas all, I’m pissed, turkey’s fucked, anybody for skunk?

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    Tempestlady commented on Christmas Dinner (WARNING EXPLETIVES USED).


    LMAO This was hilarious! Loved it and a definite 10 from me. So real and brought back some of my own flops. My family took it all in stride thank the lord. Hope it's all going well. Write on..............Tempestlady

    purdylox commented on Christmas Dinner (WARNING EXPLETIVES USED).


    ok this was sooo funny, I laughed when I read the end, and the start .great job

    To have great poets there must be great audiences too.

    Walt Whitman, American Poet (1819-1892)

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