Damage

One tear spills after the other
As I find myself lying beneath him
I don’t know why I cry maybe because I die a thousand times inside
I just wish that it would be over
Sometimes minutes pass like the sand in the hour glass
And it never seems to be over
Eternity slips n and out of time in my mind
I stare at the ceiling as he finds relief
My heart begs for calm as I surrender to defeat
My body has become a sacrifice
One that I willingly lay at the altar
My head adorned in white rose petals
There are glass slippers on my feet
My dress the purest white
I appear like a dream
Drifting on a sea of the finest silk
I am like the virgin sold to her father against her will
It doesn’t matter how I feel
It just matters that this is real
I don’t want this to happen
I just know that it will
As I invite him in I prepare to be slain
The lamb leading the slaughter after being dissolved in pleasures pain
It hurts with every dive in the ocean
I feel sharp and intense pain
Another tear
And another one
As he escapes through me into another world
I see my fathers’ face in the dark
I relent in intolerable agony as icy chills unburden my heart
Who will give me something for my measure?
One cubit for my stature, tell me my worth.
Father, who loved my body, do what makes you come undone
While I hurt
I feel it again
One stroke
Then two
I wipe away another tear as more run in their stead
I am here with my lover
But it’s my daddies’ face that I see in my head
I search for light in the darkness that never came
O please come, so that I can be done
Another sharp pain, another one now
He pants
I squirm
Its over
I am warm
It’s over, it’s over
Now they can go away
So now I get on my knees and I pray
To the only one I’ve ever known who can numb the pain.
“O dear Father, I am sorry for my sins.  Find mercy and forgive me and make
me clean again.  Build a bridge of peace from my past, so that I may walk away
from yesterday.
Love me O Lord
Love me harder when others walk away
Deliver me from evil, as I struggle between right and wrong
I know that you love me because you profess it in your will, and because of my
faith in you
You promised in your word that you would be there when there would be no
one else to turn to.
When all others forsake me, I know that I can find refuge in you
Hear this sinner’s prayer and give me rest O Lord
Grant calm to my soul
don’t leave me by and by
Amen”