Dark's Descent on a Plain

8 Comments

Poem Commentary

Just a little abstract, but functional to elicit the mood and theme in a somewhat coherent manner...I hope

Dark's Descent on a Plain

On a white plain there’s a hard rain
Of black leaded glass 

O’er expanse bland, there creates, grand
From mind unsurpassed

In dry glass pools, time unspools
Escaped through thought’s seared vent 

Great and grand scheme suffers void theme
Conscience awaits advent 

View Obsidian sky by one’s clear eye
Illuminations from distant fires 

Pure elation from generations
Our sights fill, but never tire 

They ever prance, none of circumstance
Graft our gaze to depths, light dwelling

Hear the star-song from this bright throng
Wonder of history ever telling

In direct cause without pause
Rock the waves of water’s driven

Rain of tears fall for years
In grief from the eyes of heaven

E’er joy runs before the Son
Unknown earth knew no rain

Thus, alibi was the Serpent’s lie
In great sin we share the blame

Our mortality is a blight to be
Constrained, malevolent

For one bides dear and subscribes clear
Holiness, heaven sent

...On a white plain is a hard rain
Of sin’s toxic past

 

Poem Comments

(8)

Please login or register

You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

Login or Register

nature commented on Dark's Descent on a Plain

01-22-2010

So many levels of provoked thought arise in this poem mars..,,you speak in such consistent metaphors...well done

Marsink

01/22/2010

It was written to be obscure and ethereal, concurrenly I was hopeful to maintain the rhyme scheme, which for me, is difficult thanks for being a quick friend of support!

am2anangel commented on Dark's Descent on a Plain

01-22-2010

although you comment on this work as abstract and hoping it's functional in a coherent manner, I found that each of your stanzas allowed the reader to pause and think on several different and yet meaningful concepts. (am I just babbling now? or does this make sense?) I enjoyed the piece in short. well done.

Marsink

01/22/2010

Thanks, am2A. No babblingl A generous compliment, to be sure!

DeepEclipse commented on Dark's Descent on a Plain

01-22-2010

Ah I like the comearound. It is like the beginning shows the surface, then the rest exposes the depths and the ending line wraps up the new perspective. Also enjoyed the skillful rhyme scheme. Original. It painted to me a picture somehwat like a storm within a dark crystal ball, the poem itself staying afoat in deep metaphor. Very well written.

Marsink

01/22/2010

A Deep review from on who is equally gifted (if not more). I am very glad you have left a glowing comment on my page, thanks!

Marsink

01/22/2010

one

Aria commented on Dark's Descent on a Plain

01-22-2010

“hear the star-song” I wish I had thought of that line, awesome, Mars. Great imagery. BTW, has anybody else noticed the cat face in the picture? oh, wait, I see a unicorn, also. That’s a great photo to go with this poem!

Marsink

01/22/2010

(This is a negative from my cell phone) It's a real perk to see your nice comments. I found a mistake and I'm kicking myself (too late for now) Hope Dillon had a great dinner and brush. thanks for reading!

gogant commented on Dark's Descent on a Plain

01-21-2010

This one shows a lot of energetic poetic creativity, Marck. It is truly beautiful...........................................................gogant

Marsink

01/21/2010

Thanks, George! Started out as 'side work', and kept growing and changing. I was fortunate to maintain the rhyme scheme (which is rare for me). I appreciate your communicating such positive remarks

If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.

Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.

Marsink’s Poems (76)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Aspiration 3
Unfinished Rant 2
Waves: Tide of Heaven 5
LUMINESCENT GARDEN 8
BEGUILING BONGO PEOPLE 4
BEASTIALITY : Reign of Antichrist 23
A View from the Edge of a Mind 11
Molecules of Imagination 5
A Thousand Miles from 6
Perfect Angelic Spirit 10
Reckoning of the Bakers 2
UNDER HEAVEN’S BLUE VEIL 12
I SAW A STRANGER 5
Beckoning One 3
MARCH OF INFANTRY 777 32
Theater of Dreams 19
Dark's Descent on a Plain 8
On the Glade Path 6
Baryonic Ghost 2
IMMORTAL OCEAN 31
EONS TIDE 9
Degradation of Doubt 8
Shore Scarce Known 13
Pretense 13
The Remains 13
Wormwood 15
Half- Baked 10
I Was the Frito Bandito 12
HAIKU 8
Yellow Orb, Parts I-IV 5
Treasure Blue 11
Silver Fell 6
Another Poem of Christmas 5
Dogone Weather 7
Oh, Proud Falcon (or the meteoric demise of a greedy bird) 4
WRITE PEOPLE 7
Temporal Uninvited, Part 1 and II 10
A NOSE FOR IT 5
Clash of Cliché: The Nonsensible Murmurings of Monstradumbus 5
Twilight Zone vs Jesus 17
Once Upon A Day 10
MIND SHAFTS 3
DEAD LEAF STORY 5
Retreat (Haiku) 5
CutLass 6
POETRY IS.... 5
Untitled Love 6
Hearts of Rain 4
Three Alone 2
Beside Ocean Pier 6
Romance Without Reason (or Insanity Spurned) 10
THE BRITISH ARE COMING! 6
Friend 6
APOCALYPSE 11
Conserving My Love 6
Ogre 9
Canyon Creek 6
Where Emerald Fields Grow 5
Catastrophic 6
Hero 5
Resplendent 7
Crystal Chimes 11
Doubts' Prisoners 9
Across the Channel 4
Thermal Rider 6
Dearly Imparted 5
Cause and Effect 6
Star Sight 6
Invincible Friend 7
Elite Delusions 8
West Hills Horizon 4
This Present State 6
None of the Above 5
Tree Dance 10
Plateau Plain 6
Forecast 11