Deus Ex Machina

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Deus Ex Machina

Get me out get me out 

lord let me leave

Phsycial abuse

No room to breathe. 


Call CPS,

Tell the cops. 

Arrest the devil

Make them wear my locks. 


But I'm stronger

I'm smarter, I'm kinder, I'm good. 

Not because of what they did

But in spite for what they stood. 


Maybe he knew,

Maybe God had an clue,

That I was a sword and iron

To be forged In fire anew.


Okay I made it 

I'm eighteen did my time

Come on God please

Let me out I'm fine! 


Asvab and weigh ins

Passed the military exam.

Please God let me move on 

If only I can. 


Nope medically excluded!

Go on home. 

Cursed you so hard

I wanted to roam! 


Did he not understand?

Home early killed me.

Time and time again

I just wanted to be free…


So maybe God knew. 

Maybe he had a plan

For a month after defeat

I met my husban'. 


June that summer we met

Barely 18 and barely real

I met a sweet guy 

Who helped me to heal. 


Every panic attack,

Every violent rage,

He was holding and coaxing

Me out of my cage. 


So maybe God knew 

He may have know better than me

About my path in life

And my idea of liberty. 


Moved out by the fall. 

Freedom more than I could imagine. 

He shared my burden 

And soothed what happened. 


Now a year later 

Happy and serene 

Cancer destroyed our world 

And made both of us keen. 


This beautiful gift from God

A man so great!

Was on death's door 

And our lives up to fate. . .


Testicular cancer:

Survivable sure. 

But at what a horrid cost?

No babies in our future. 


Infertile at nineteen 

My goals ripped apart.

We were denied a family

Before it could even start. 


God is clearly dead. 

What kinda life? 

He'd give a man a family

But serve him such strife? 


My faith got rocky

Almost as bad

As when I came out of the closet

And thrown from the only home I had. 


At sixteen I came out

After years with this secret abides

Bisexual the deviant

Church cast me aside. 


I hated you so much.

God why did you leave!

I refused to visit your temple

For it caused me to grieve...


But now I see 

How wrong that church was.

They understood naught

Of how to interpret your laws. 


Ten years later,

And a lot of time off,

I found orthodoxy

And the power of your love. 


Maybe just maybe 

I don't know what I need. 

Perhaps, per se

God knows me indeed? 


Three years post military 

Long after my last 

I started having seizures 

Unlike those of the past. 


So maybe the airforce

Just wasn't so risk free

But I couldn't see it then

Just how deadly it may be. 


But a decade after

Amnesia gone awry.

Maybe I didn't need 

To know how or why. 


God's greatest gifts

Have been unaswered prayers

He is forging me in a fire.

And giving me only what I can bear. 


Now a foster mom:

A guide through rough childhoods.

It's a calling I was given

By being denied all those goods. 


Everything happens for a reason

Everything has to be pained

For your path to be cleared

And your life now ordained. 


Thank you God

For telling me no.

For gifting such joys

After having so much woe. 


I see His plan

Clear as day.

Maybe just maybe

I didn't need it my way. 

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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.

jj1562’s Poems (142)

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Six Word Story IX 0
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Always a Zero 0
Being True to True Love 0
Dues Excelsior! 0
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A Sonnet for My Socks 0
Six Word Story IX 0
For the Love of Spite 0
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Deus Ex Machina 0
Dear Little One 0
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3am Again 0
Six Word Story VI 0
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Those Three Little Words 0
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Six Word Story V 1
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Six Word Story III 0
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The Sub 0
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Found and Gone 0
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The Rose 2
Who's at Fault? 3
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The Sweetest Addictions 2
The Seven Paths to Hell 1
The Best Jealosy 1
Extended Circles and Wolves (part 4) 1
The Basilisk 2
Linger 1
Ode to Ol' Christine 2
Seriously 1
Is This What Love Is? 3
Well Perfect 1
A Piece of Crap That Fell Out of My Brain 2
I Learned Something New Today... 1
Real 4
Just Listening In 1
Peace, War, and Common Sense 2
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Things aren't as They Should Be 2
Three Wheelin' 2
Sleeping in Space 1
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For Crying OUT! Loud 1
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Single Acrostic 1
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untitled 3rd try posting 1
Untitled 0
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I Now Know Why! 1
Trapped 3
Extended Circles and Wolves (Chapter 3) 2
Extended Circle and Wolves (Chapter 2) 0
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Kansas 1
Some late December Eve 0
Look It 3
Another Year 2
Michael Moore 4
Far Away 2
More 2
Help! 2
Generation Gap 1
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Why? 1
Shadow Lady 2
Mr Perfect 4
Frozen in Time 6
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Circles and Wolves (a short story) 2
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Halloween 5
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The Tragic Tale of Jordan Craig 6
You Know It Should Be When . . . 4
The Voice Inside my Head 7
the joke only poets get (not in poetic form just a joke) 6
What If . . . ? 5
Love Like Lightning 3
"Maybe?" He Says 3
What to do? 4
On the Verge of Spring 2
Unreturned Love 3
Love for the Blackened Heart 2
Politics Smolitics 3
As I Waited as a Tree 3
The Earth's a Beautiful Place 2
The Man behind the Mask 2
Army Life 6
mutual thing 6
If Only You Knew 3
Waste of Space READERS DESCRETION IS ADVISED 9
Music 5
Forest Sympany 4
Books 2
The Love Bug 4
The Earth's a Beautiful Place 5
Secret Addmirers 2
Our Country's Heroes 2
What Does 'I Love You' mean? 3
Finaly Free 4