Don't Cry for me Argentina!!! But, I will cry for You...
WE USED TO SING THAT SONG EVERYDAY FOR A WEEK BEFORE YOU WENT HOME. I REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST MET. SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT YOU CONFIDED IN THEM AND THEY COULD NOT RELATE TO YOUR PROBLEMS. THEY HOPED I COULD HELP YOU WITH PRAYER. I REMEMBER SITTING DOWN NEXT TO YOU AND SAYING, " I HOPE YOU'RE NOT UPSET BUT THAT GIRL YOU TALK TO ASKED ME TO TELL YOU THAT SHE REALLY CAN'T HANDLE YOUR BURDENS. SHE THINKS I COULD HELP YOU. IF YOU EVER NEED ANYONE TO TALK TO OR PRAY FOR/WITH YOU THEN I WILL TRY TO BE THERE FOR YOU. WHATEVER YOU SHARE WITH ME OR WHATEVER WE PRAY ABOUT WILL BE BETWEEN YOU,ME, AND GOD." THERE WAS MANY DAYS AND NIGHTS THAT WE WOULD TALK,CRY, AND LAUGH ABOUT OUR LIFE. I FELT LIKE I WAS WATCHING MYSELF BEING HEALED ALL OVER AGAIN THROUGH YOUR LIFE CHANGING PROCESS. THERE WERE TIMES THAT YOU HAD FALLEN SHORT WITH GOD, YOURSELF,GOALS, AND TOWARDS ME. BUT YOU KEPT GETTING BACK UP. I REMEMBER THE TIME YOU BETRAYED MY TRUST. YOU WAS SO CRUSHED WHEN I ASKED FOR SOME DISTANCE. YOU CRIED OUT ,"I'M SORRY IF I HURT YOU BY BETRAYING YOUR TRUST. I'VE NEVER HAD A FRIEND LIKE YOU BEFORE. I'VE NEVER BEEN A REAL FRIEND TO ANYONE. I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO TRUST ME BUT PLEASE GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE." ALL I KEPT THINKING ABOUT WAS HOW MANY TIMES PEOPLE GAVE ME A CHANCE WHEN I DIDN'T DESERVE ONE AND I BECAME A BETTER PERSON BECAUSE THEY WERE IN MY LIFE. ALL I THOUGHT ABOUT WAS THE PEOPLE WHO TURNED THEIR BACK ON ME WHEN I NEEDED THEM THE MOST BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T FEEL LIKE THEY DESERVED HOW I TREATED THEM AND I GOT WORSE EACH PERSON I LOST BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I HAD NO ONE, I FELT ALONE ALL THE TIME. ALL I KEPT THINKING ABOUT WAS THE SEED THAT WAS FRESHLY PLANTED IN YOUR LIFE AND ME WALKING AWAY FROM YOU MIGHT PLANT A WEED WHICH COULD OVERPOWER THE SEED OF FAITH. I KNEW I WAS PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE TO BE HURT AGAIN BUT I FELT LIKE YOUR LIFE WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY FEELINGS. I FELT LIKE I OWED IT TO GOD TO GIVE TO YOU WHAT WAS GIVEN TO ME. YOU NEVER BETRAYED MY TRUST AGAIN. I KNOW YOU WAS NOT PERFECT IN THE CHOICES YOU MADE THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE BUT YOU WAS A GREAT FRIEND TO ME. I AM GRATEFUL TO HAVE BEEN A PART OF THE HEALING PROCESS OF YOUR PAST. I AM GRATEFUL THAT GOD ALLOWED ME TO BE A VESSEL FOR HIM TO LOVE YOU AND TEACH YOU ABOUT GOD'S LOVE FOR HIS PEOPLE. YOU REMEMBERED THE SMALL THINGS THAT MEANT ALOT TO ME THAT NOBODY ELSE HARDLY RECOGNIZED. AND THAT WAS SO COOL TO ME. YOU KNEW THAT I DID THAT WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND IN RETURN YOU DID THAT FOR ME. AND I TELL YOU THERE HAS BEEN FEW PEOPLE WHO IS LIKE THAT WITH ME IN MY LIFE. I FEEL LIKE THE SMALL THINGS THAT ARE SIGNIFICANT TO SOMEONE IN THEIR LIFE, WHEN IT IS RECOGNIZED BY SOMEONE ELSE, IT MEANS THAT SOMEONE TRULY CARES ENOUGH TO GET TO KNOW YOU. WHEN YOU WENT HOME I WORRIED ABOUT YOU RACHEL. YOU WROTE A COUPLE OF TIMES AND THEN GOT TOO BUSY WITH LIFE. AND I UNDERSTAND THAT LIFE IS BUSY SO I DEFINITELY WILL NOT BE THE FIRST ONE TO JUDGE ON THAT. I KNEW YOU CARED AND I KNOW YOU KNEW THAT I CARED FOR YOU REGARDLESS OF THE DISTANCE. I ALWAYS REMEMBERED YOU IN PRAYER. I CAME HOME A YEAR OR SO LATER. WE EVENTUALLY GOT BACK IN CONTACT. I WAS SO HAPPY THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU AGAIN. MY HEART WAS HURTING FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER WHEN YOU TOLD ME THE SITUATION OF BEING A SINGLE MOTHER. I WAS so PROUD OF YOU FOR HOLDING IT TOGETHER AS WELL AS YOU HAD. I ENJOYED THE TIME I HAD WITH YOU AND NOW THOSE MOMENTS HAVE TURNED INTO MEMORIES THAT WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN. I'M HAPPY THAT YOU CAME TO VISIT ME. I DIDN'T KNOW AT THE TIME THAT IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I WOULD EVER SEE YOU. I HONESTLY THOUGHT YOU WAS DOING GOOD IN YOUR LIFE AS FAR AS MAKING GODLY CHOICES. YOU WENT WITHOUT YOUR METHADONE TREATMENT TO SPEND AN EXTRA DAY WITH ME. AND I REMEMBER THINKING HOW PROUD I WAS OF YOU TO CHOOSE A FEW MORE HOURS WITH ME OVER METHADONE. YOU NEVER CAME TO ME WITH ANY PROBLEMS. NOT ANY ADDICTIONS ANYHOW. WE TALKED ABOUT LIFE. WE TALKED ABOUT OUR CHILDREN AND RAISING THEM. WE TALKED ABOUT OUR LIFE AND WHERE GOD FIT INTO IT. WE TALKED ABOUT OUR FAMILY. BUT YOU NEVER CAME TO ME WITH THE ONE THING I NEEDED TO HEAR THE MOST. AND I WILL NEVER KNOW THE REAL REASON WHY BUT I HONESTLY THINK YOU KNEW HOW HARD I WAS TAKING IT DUE TO MY SISTER'S ADDICTIONS. YOU KNEW MY DOOR WAS ALWAYS OPEN TO YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER AND I WILL NEVER KNOW THE REAL REASON WHY YOU NEVER CAME TO LIVE WITH ME BUT I HONESTLY FEEL LIKE YOU NEVER WANTED TO USE ME. I WILL NEVER KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T CALL ME WHEN YOU GOT THAT SICK BUT I HONESTLY THINK YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU WAS GOING TO DIE. I AM HURTING RIGHT NOW RACHEL SO BAD. SO VERY BAD. I AM COMFORTED BY THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU WAS ABLE TO REDEDICATE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU DIED, BUT IT IS MORE LIKE A BANDAID OVER A WOUND. IT STILL HURTS RACHEL AND IT WILL FOR AWHILE. I LOVE YOU SWEETIE. JACINA
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