I close my eyes and attempt to drift into a peaceful abyss and finally relax for the night. The world gets darker and the Celtic sounds of angelic instruments have me walking into my alternate reality. I look into the distance and see a single tree standing, Moonlight beaming down on it. It's on a slight hill surrounded by the greenest grass I have never seen or imagined. Small white and pink flowers on the ground surrounding the tree like a halo, they caught my eye. The smells were amazing, fresh rain, warm summer air, sweet floral and a touch of "my smells" (amber, patchouli, and sandalwood). There's a footbridge in the distance that crosses a small stream sparkling like blue sapphires. I slowly walk to the tree and realize it's a cherry blossom tree. It's glorious; it brings me to a place in my soul that I have not been to in a long time. I walk closer and I hear whispering, it's faint but distinct. "Open your eyes", that's what I'm hearing like a soft breath brushing my ear. My eyes are open I'm thinking and I hear it again, "open your eyes". I'm confused, I look around to see if I'm missing anything… nothing else is around. "Close your thoughts" is the next whisper I hear. I am now at the tree; I sit down before it and look into its beauty with awe and disbelief. I've never seen something more beautiful, so serene, and so delicate. Out of nowhere, I feel this overwhelming sense of sadness, it's thick like humidity. It takes my breath away, it brings me to tears. I feel so alone, abandoned, hurt, sad, mislead, untrusting, unloved, angry, jaded, hardened, unable to believe another word said to me. I feel this iciness surrounding my heart, I'm unable to breathe, and my soul is flooding with misery. A brick wall of ice instantaneously surrounds me, it's cold, and it's uncomfortable. I start to see on this clear glassy ice, pictures from my past that started from childhood… all the atrocious things, in full detail presented to me, I'm unable to close my eyes. I start to scream and pound on the ice with no avail; it just keeps showing me my appalling childhood, then my unspeakable adolescence, then my depressing early adult hood, up until yesterday. Everything that was awful either brought upon me by my actions or not, every negative, nasty occurrence in my life so far was shown to me like a slap in the face, a knife in the back, a sword to the soul. I am an empty shell laying on the floor of this tower of ice, naked inside, my happiness ripped out of me, I am defeated, I am alone. I close my eyes and hope for my life to end, right now at this very moment. As I lay there to die, I hear a faint whisper, "open your eyes". With this overwhelming sense of hopelessness, I struggle to even listen to the whispers. "Open your eyes", I hear again like a warm breath in my ear. It makes me shiver; it makes all the hairs on my body stand at attention. I slowly open my eyes and I look up and I see a branch of this cherry blossom tree with the silver glow of the moonlight behind it. "Open your eyes, close your thoughts", I hear it again, and again. I do what is told to me and I lay there looking up with a clear mind. At that moment I see a shooting star blazing across the sky. I make a wish; I wish that my friends and loved ones are all happy and healthy. I close my eyes again, I lay quietly on the floor and I feel something brushing my cheek. On my cheek is a cherry blossom, I sit up, I hold it in my hand and tears stream down my face, it is such a beautiful flower. As the thought disappears from me, I see a picture of my family, one by one… each picture of a joyful moment in my life. As each one appears before me, I smile from ear to ear and I feel serene. The images change to my friends, starting from childhood. They make me laugh, and weep, and remember those moments in time. It starts changing into milestones of my life, everything I have had to do to get to the point of my life. I proceed to close my eyes again and I feel this sense of tenderness surround me. I then smell fresh rain, warm summer air, sweet floral and a touch of "my smells". I open my eyes and I'm sitting in front of the Cherry blossom tree, at the base hugging my knees, in the circle of blossoms. I look into the sky and see the moon and I look over to the stream and it shines so bright. I then have a realization… I have had moments of wretchedness as well as moments of bliss. It has been a rough journey, but I am the woman I am today because of my path. I am caring, considerate, loving, devoted, romantic, funny, ready for a challenge, open, willing and able, and hopeful. Happiness and sadness comes in spurts, everyday is to be lived as your last. Like a samurai, knowing he needs to go to battle but does not know if he will come back to be on this earth for another day (Japanese symbolism for the cherry blossom) I realize my ability to muddle through challenges. I also possess strength and beautiful heart (Chinese symbolism for the cherry blossom). At that moment, I look around with a smile, feeling is if I'm in the exact place I need to be. I open my eyes and close my thoughts and take note to the faint music in the background. It is intoxicating, drunk with contentment I stand up to wander around and enjoy the remainder of my time. Realizing I need to leave soon, I slowly turn to walk away from the tree. As I step slowly out into the distance, I hear "remember the words". I look over my shoulder and I embrace the warmth and the glorious smells and turn forward and walk home, feeling a sense of serenity, hoping I can remember