Driving Off Again

I saw you today
For the first time
In a long time,
(I've forced myself to stop counting the days.)
You looked a bit hurried,
Like Neal was going to book you for your park job.
I didn't even talk to you,
Or see your face crack that smile,
And yet,
Just the fact you were carrying that little purse
And driving your mom's car,
That's what's been on my mind (all day).
I think what it was,
Was you looking so grown up
(Tall, gorgeous, put together)
At least it a treehouse
You don't seem so old...
(Or maybe I don't feel so young?)
You're in college,
I'm a junior in high school.
A fact I've always known, but
Never seen illustrated so clearly.
It seems like such a barrier now.
Like I must be silly to you,
Like I must not understand.
I guess I don't understand
What changed (?)
When did you grow out of me?
Since when am I too small for your ambitions?
Since when do I not fit in your life?
How much effort would it have taken
To wait around and say hello
To people (not just me) who miss you dearly.
Are we really not worth your time anymore?
I guess you're far too busy.
(Yet I stay up late, apparently, writing something you'll never read.)
I guess maybe you're not ready,
(I know you like to plan)
Maybe you're scared,
Maybe you're not comfortable enough because you lack control.
You don't know how I'll react.
Well, honestly, neither do I,
But it sucks to see you driving off again.