Poem Commentary

this was an idea that was written back in 1985 after a college break-up. i trimmed out the useless weeds and fat . now, i would like to present, the new and hopefully improved, "goodbye grammar." thanks GMcookie for the pointers and helping me to make this a better effort.



she wrote her letter of goodbye
in perfect grammar penned
not the kind of letter she always used to send
no drawings, no hearts or stars
no guess at what life meant
no sealed with a kiss, no scent's
no colour or no promises
but only wretched rhombuses
all sterile barren white

such paper cuts to her successful caper
no prints, no spit and nothing more to say
just footsteps
the kind that slowly walked away



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Lasmuigh commented on goodbye


What a beautiful poem! Straightforward, effective imagery put to perfect use in conveying the blinding harshness of a break up. I thought there was a good use of rhyme in there as well, which I don't often see in modern poetry. Really well done.



thank you so much !!!

slimgoodwoody commented on goodbye


Excellent poem! I am unsure of what it read like before you altered it but it is stark and serious and it delivers!



thank you so much !!

cheronld commented on goodbye


This was a stark white and sterile look of a...."Dear John" letter....the whimsy aspect of ....colors and dark and dreary....was so very relatable and on point.....nicely done my friend....Cher



thank you so much, Cher. i had some help from gmcookie. he gave me some pointers and improved the poem.

gmcookie commented on goodbye


Beautiful... I'm going to send you a private mail with a few ideas for this one... Bear in mind that all my work is strictly structured and uses rhythm and rhyme - not the style currently in vogue - but the language of song. I think this work could be easily expressed that way. Great job Phission!



great, cookie. i look forward to it.

Kingwebstar commented on goodbye


Awesome write indeed.Keep up ur excellent work. Love Da KinG



thanks, king !

Poetry is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality.

T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) American-English poet and playwright.

Phission’s Poems (24)

Title Comments
Title Comments
hands 1
freight rain 2
goodbye 8
sensual central 1
goodnight, summer night 3
the robin 2
gun 4
top of the sky 2
eulogy 2
do you love me 3
i lost her 4
home 2
observations in random rows 3
these days 1
music and dreams 3
point blank 5
the gift 2
breathing love 6
position 8
name 5
one 3
companion 2
beware 4
this ( for annie ) 3