hells chamber

2 Comments

Poem Commentary

some find this poem a frustrating read; looking for some darker hidden meaning.  I'm sorry to say there isn't one intended it was written as a contrasting poem for a project. 

hells chamber

The cry of a child is heard in the night.

You lift your face to an unbelievable sight.

There before you lies your fate.

Sinful eyes filled with hate.

You look away and cry in pain.

But do you care? what's  to gain?

You turn your face to the eyes once more.

A cry slips out as you scream in horror.

The time has come you know that now.

You want to run but know not how.

The sound of crunching bones fill your head.

Now all you see is your blood so red

Poem Comments

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Oblaidon commented on hells chamber

06-30-2009

Wow, Rosemary's baby meets the gremlins? I would change: "Just what can that gain?" to "What's to gain?" Or shorten that line. It flows a little better. Other than that, very good and creepy.

am2anangel

06/30/2009

thank you for the suggestion and since I value your input consider it done. lol!

CongoNetherland commented on hells chamber

06-18-2009

Grim. Inconsistent punctuation (an easy target). I like the horror feel to this but am not sure of what the ultimate goal is. Visceral horror is achieved, but give us more, make it mean something to weep about. As this goes, I just got mauled by b movie monster. Not strong enough to make me have bad dreams. Good imagery though. Bring it more. Make me quiver and worry beyond a short scene.

am2anangel

06/18/2009

punctuation always my downfall. I appreciate your feedback and comments.

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.

Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

am2anangel’s Poems (275)

Title Comments
Title Comments
PUBLISHED!!! 1
SOULS SHATTER 4
THE DANCES COMPLETION 3 OF 3 0
THE DANCE CONTINUE 2OF 3 0
DANCE WITH ME IN MY DREAMS 1 OF 3 0
LET ME BE YOUR PRINCESS 0
I AM THE WHISPER 5
THE WHISPERS ARE GETTING LOUDER 1
ANOTHER DAY 1
I HELD YOU 2
MUSTARD 3
OOPS! 2
BEND BUT DON'T BREAK 3
PRESS PAUSE 2
MY WISH 1
AND STILL I WAIT 3
31 years ago today 3
SECRET BOX 2
SILENCE! 2
REFRIGERATOR ART 1
REVERSE 4
I WISH I WAS HER 5
ONE MORE RIDE 2
STILL 1
GLIMPSES OF HEAVEN 2
ROSE COLORED LIES 2
STAINS 5
SCARS 1
MIDNIGHT DREAMS 4
NO ONE SAID 3
NOT MY CHILD 2
KISSES ON THE WIND 2
I HATE YOU! 4
NOT THE ONE 4
FORGETTING 3
TODAY 4
TEMPORARY ANGELS 2
DUSK'S PLAYGROUND 2
THE FLIPSIDE OF THE PILLOW 3
MY SIDE OF THE PILLOW 2
WORDS LEFT BEHIND 2
BOX OF CHOCOLATES 2
PAPER AIRPLANES 3
REALIZED 3
HE PAID THE PRICE 3
AN ECHOS VOICE 1
FORGET ME 4
I FEEL 2
THE BOX 2
SEVEN DEADLY SINS 3
FEARLESS 1
DROWNING IN THIS LIFE 1
JAR OF TEARS 5
GONE 2
PICKUP LINES 1
CHANCE ENCOUNTERS 2
memories 2
LIFE GETS IN THE WAY 1
IF ONLY 2
COMPLETION 1
HOURGLASS 3
THE DREAMERS 2
ON YOUR WINGS 5
THE BLIND TO SEE 3
POINT OF KNOW RETURN 2
FUNHOUSE MIRROR 1
SUNSHINES PASSION 1
cOULD YOU PLEASE REMOVE THIS KNIFE 4
THE FENCE 1
STRANGERS 3
ROMANCE IS DEAD 5
Mamilapinatap
ei
1
TOSKA 2
COMING HOME 2
YOU HAVE NO SAY 2
IF WE'D NEVER MET 4
SERENDIPITY 3
the shelf 2
YOUR SIGHS SPEAK VOLUMES 2
EVERY WORD 2
UNDER WATER 1
NOTHING TO LOSE 1
the flight 1
I WANNA MOVE 2
OUTSIDE MY WINDOW 1
A DIFFERENT TIME A DIFFERENT PLACE 1
A DIFFERENCE TO ONE 1
ON FROZEN WINGS 2
SEARCHING 2
EXTREMES 1
MEANING TO 1
TECHNOLOGY CAGE 1
WHAT IF 3
FORGIVE ME 2
MOST SPECTACULAR SHOW ON EARTH 2
THE INSIDE 1
YOU TAUGHT ME 2
I TASTED IT 1
TRAPPED 2
BROKEN WINGS 6
DRIFTING THROUGH A DREAM 2
SOULED OUT 2
OVER IT 2
A FATHERS LOVE 2
EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE 3
ENEMYTIME 1
yesterday 1
THE PEDESTAL 1
WHEN WHY NO LONGER MATTERS 1
MY UMBRELLA 0
USED TO 2
WALKING INTO A DREAM 2
FOR EVERY KISS 3
were you looking? 2
WHERE DO YOU SEE JESUS? 1
BEFORE IT BEGAN 2
THE JOURNEY 1
MY BLEEDING HEART 2
TIME HAS A TASTE 2
THE SALT UPON MY LIPS 1
DESTINY 5
I AM... 1
TRIPPING ON MY HEART 6
DOES HE LOVE ME? 3
MY GIFT TO YOU 3
BREATHTAKING 3
THE FALL 3
ETERNAL LOVE 1
THE SEASON 1
THE KISS 1
FALLING ON MY PRIDE 3
ALWAYS IS NOT FOREVER 3
WHISPERS ON A BREEZE 3
REMEMBER WHEN... 2
MEMORIES 2
ECHOS 2
it begins 2
ANNOYING WORDS 4
LETTING GO 2
LONELY 4
DROPPING A LINE 4
IMMORTAL HEART 5
FEAR 3
WHY BOTHER 3
I WANT 3
I'LL NEVER WALK ALONE 2
WAITING IN HEAVEN 1
MOMENTS 1
FORBIDDEN FRUIT 2
HORIZON 1
DISILLUSIONME
NT
3
FADING 2
HOPELESS 5
Waiting 5
SAVING EVERY KISS 4
MY PRISON 3
EDGE OF FOREVER 3
FOR JUST A MOMENT 7
FISHING WITH GOD 8
BLESSINGS 2
THE SHOW 3
TODAY I WILL FORGET 7
OBSESSION 3
COULD YOU? 2
BRIDGES 2
EULOGY 2
Waterfall 5
SUNRISE TO SUNSET 3
REMEMBER ME 2
THE PLUNGE 4
MAKE LEMONADE 5
SEASONS KISS 2
WINDOW OF LIFE 3
KISSES FROM HEAVEN 2
WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES 6
BROKEN PROMISES 2
BETTER OFF 4
YOUR WORDS 2
SOULLESS 1
DEVASTATION 1
SOMEDAY 4
LOSS OF INNOCECE 3
THROUGH THE EYES OF YOUR WORDS 11
YOU ARE... 2
YES OR NO 6
TIDALWAVE 20
A KNIGHTS TALE 4
MY SWEET ADDICTION 13
LOVE LETTER 6
OH WELL! 7
DRAGON SLAYER REWRITE 7
JOURNEY OF A TEARDROP 24
NOT SO AMUSING MUSE 7
SHATTERED 16
ONE BASKET 7
UNWRITTEN CHAPTER 5
THE DYING TREE 6
HARTBEAT 7
INSOMNIACS MISTRESS 4
PULLING IN THE REINS 14
THE LITTLE THINGS 12
THE COLLECTOR 2 8
THE COLLECTOR 8
WIDOWS WALK 7
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS 9
predator 63
RAGAMUFFIN 5
NEVER 4
EMPTY LOT 3
DRIVE-IN MOVIE NIGHT 7
FORGOTTEN TREAT 2
TRADGEDY 6
STILL STANDING TALL 4
SHOWERS OF GIGGLES 5
LAST DANCE 22
WHAT KIND OF CAR? 5
PEDDLE FASTER 5
FIRST KISS 11
SILENT TEARS 11
SECOND FAMILY 13
ALONE AND FORGOTTEN 5
GOD CALLED YOU HOME TODAY 3
TEARS OF INK 3
AM I TO BLAME? 3
UNANSWERED CALL 5
MISTRESS OF THE NIGHT 12
MY WILL 12
Glass half full 19
NO MORE SOMEDAY 8
FOOTPRINTS ACROSS MY HEART 5
ONE STEP AT A TIME 2
hells chamber 2
A WAY OUT 1
more than i can take 1
MAYBE 1
left behind 0
SEARCHING FOR THE END 1
CAN YOU HEAR ME 1
MAN OF STEEL 1
THE TRUE MEANING 0
LOOKING GLASS 2
SOUL VAMPIRE 3
REALITY'S TOY 12
ALL DRESSED UP 3
FALL WALK 1
ONE MORE ANGEL 1
TOO LATE 0
REGRETTED MOMENTS 1
CROSSING THE LINE 1
HANG TOUGH 1
SHOWERS OF LOVE 1
THE LORD IS MY LIGHTHOUSE 8
LOOKING OUT 2
HOLDING ON 2
WHERE WERE YOU? 2
LOOK AT THEM 1
WITH THESE WINGS 5
THE WIND STILL BLOWS/FOLLOW UP TO ANGELS KISS 2
AN ANGELS KISS 6
WHAT IF 2
ALMOST 2
PIECES 5
FOOLS GAME 2
SILENT AFFAIR 4
LIVE IN THE MOMENT 1
DID YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU 1
BEHIND THE WALL 3
FOUR FOREVER 2
CHILDISH DREAMS 3
LONG LOST ROAD 3
THE NIGHTMARE 5
THE MIRROR 16
MY LITTLE SANDCASTLE 5
DRAGON SLAYER 14
DO YOU BELIEVE 21