I dont understand....

I just dont get it Lord, 
I am a living curse, 
My heart is growing swords, 
Theres no end to this torture!!!

Please help me understand, 
I am only human or maybe
im some weird breed of alien?
Rare and unique; i am one of a kind, 
Will you help me unwind???

There is no ending to this deep dark hole,
I always find myself deeper into the twilight zone,
I see no light anywhere near in here,
Its dark & cold & even i am growing numb to my fears...

How did i end up in this mess?
There is no help for the innocent
& no justice unless u rich 
Everywhere i turn satans right there in disguise,
Somehow i am lured in by his evil eyes & lies....

I literally am in hell and theres no way out!!!
Satan is after me full force
With his razor blade plows on his obstacle course,
I have no support system or true friends to call, 
Its unseen to all,
but i am painfully bleeding from my eyeballs... 

Oh Lordy im pushing 40 & im lacking alota money, 
I shoulda had a home, a husband & a big family already, 
Was this hell i live all part of your plan, i dont understand? 
I feel like the moldy scum
at the bottom of the watering can....

And if ya ask my daughter,
well i have become my own worst nightmare...
I regretfully swear and curse & unintentually hurt her, 
I wish she knew how much i truly love her😭😍🤔

Maybe she would if i start to actually show her. 
I am constantly forced with regret & worry & terror,
Why cant for just once life be fair here on earth???
Seriously what is all this pain & torture worth??? 

All i do is work & work & work,
But i gain nothing in return, 
They all seem to get rich while i get poorer
& filled with bitterness & anger & rage stuck in this cage...
They get homes & businesses while i get stress & debt,
When will this all come to an end Jesus my friend??

Help me understand that you really do have a plan? 
Its hard for me to wrap my tiny brain around your big hand,
Did you give up on me completly?? 
I feel like a dead fish floating in the sea...

I am lacking oxygen & i am sadly abandoned,
My poor little gills are barely flappin'
My Baby girl is floating right here with me,
We may be here together but we are very lonely... 

We need someone to rescue us real soon, 
Its cold, there aint much warmth or light from the moon, 
The waves are big & scary & we are surrounded by sharks,
We have become the bait in an off limits water park... 

We cry for help but no one hears us screaming,
Isnt their anyone who wants to go fishing??
Mama fish & baby fish are slowly dying😭😭,
Aint no one cares about our fragile feelings.... 

We need a sense of hope & an extra ounce of faith, 
Please Lord forgive me & grant us some love & grace,
If not for me, Do it for my daughters sake??? 
We both desperatly need a break from this place...

Please Lord help me understand, what is your plan?? 
Will i ever be the Mother i know i can be & used to be?
Or find a husband and have more children??
Or get a carreer & a stable income & a home to live in??

Please tell me that there is hope for this worthless bum?
Will i find my one and only true Love? 
Will he love me back just as much?? 
Please give me answers to these questions i ask of You??
Send us a clue Lord,
we really need YOU here to wipe our tears
My heart is broken & my soul is torn.... 
All i have is these words i hope you heard...