It's been five months since I talked to him, and all of sudden thoughts of him slowly try and slip back.

I said goodbye, turned my head towards future, buried the dreams and facts.

When I think of the idea of the thoughts of him slipping back, I start to get upset.

Since I can’t spill to big bro, I had to talk to cousin Gina, and she asked had I prayed yet?

The daydreams slowly creep back, and I get mad.

Saying goodbye delighted me, and I felt relieved and glad.

Now this...after all the tears I cried I thought the flame had burned all out.

After all the headaches, I thought saying goodbye would be for good, and I wouldn't be filled with doubt.

Just talking with one of my home girls, and all of sudden, I start to re-feel his pain.

I'm missing him so bad; I refuse to let my mouth mention his name.

I miss him, but not the him that made me cry.

I miss the one I called Teddybear, the nice dude that put the earthly twinkle in my eye.

I miss the dude whose text signatures answered mines.

It was the nice him that made my stomach do flips, and had my rainy days filled with sunshine.

I miss him because he understood me, and somehow, no matter how jacked up we were individually we would always end up on the same page.

But, I said goodbye to him, because he always left me stranded on stage.

Five months later I'm back to the blank canvas, missing him all over again.

I said goodbye, I buried the memories, so tell me why is mind trying to say "this is not the end?

I miss him, and after talking with a homie I realize that I still feel his hurt.

I still care about his scars, and their worth.

I still get mad for him, and want to help him to defeat his enemies.

Stop the press I said goodbye, so why is my mind trying to trick me?

I miss him, and nobody can help me with a reason why.

So, I fold my hands in prayer, and hope I receive an answer to help me get by.

I miss him, his company, his protectiveness and his laugh.

I miss him so much, his humor and sweetness and that's only half.

I miss him so much; So Weak by SWV had a gal feeling too good.

Then "Who Can I Run To", came on and I couldn't help but think of my adventures with the boy from the hood.

I miss him, the old him before he let his world rest on his shoulders.

I miss the one that called me "Woman" to aggravate me and try to make me answer his orders.

I miss the boy he was before the pleasantries went out the window.

I miss they boy that smiled a real smile, and in his arms did I find that young hope.

I miss the boy that persevered because he wanted to put a smile on his Mama's face.

I miss the boy I clowned with over pancakes and thoughts of the good feeling would stay for days.

I miss him so much; I have finally come up with enough reasons to tell you all night long.

I don't think I'll see him again but I just wanted to share my heart's song.

I miss him, but if you see him tell him that I still care.

If I could talk to him, let him know that I wish he was still there.

I miss him, and I wish all those bad things didn't happen to him, and if I could kick all his enemies in their knee caps just for him.

He was such a sweet and kind soul until he let anger, frustration, and stress get the best of him.

I miss him, but if any of you, see the "old" him tell him I said "Hey. And, I hope he's doing okay."

I miss him a lot, but I better end this before it becomes more than a page.

August 31, 2009