I Remain

7 Comments

Poem Commentary

where is happiness and serenity? is it in the arms of a lover? is it found looking into the ocean for eternity?

I Remain


 

I remain

ready to behold you

between the shadows

questing your glorious light

beneath the darkling

searching out in soundless screams

amidst the silence

thirsting after pristine pleasures

beyond measurable dimensions

falling through emptiness

along solitary passages

needing just a glimmer

above the fray

sustaining eternity

around an endless dilemma

designing matchless moments

throughout all space and time

possessing the pin to drop

under the rainbow in my mind

 

-M.Jacobs

 

 

Poem Comments

(7)

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aw3haiku commented on I Remain

02-23-2011

an immeasurable surreal dream state you put me in here... suggestion: maybe try unpacking some phrases to drop us even deeper still into your world " ie.; "pristine pleasures" what do they taste fell smell inspire?; "measurable dimensions" "endless dilemna" "matchless moments" all too loaded for me. How can you bring us closer to what these feel like? What images can you paint/share *from* those above phrases thru your mind's eye? This I believe may move it from the "visual" (descriptive) to the visceral- a swift punch in the gut taking your breath away into the moment.

danmartyjake1

02/26/2011

Thanks for your kind words and suggestions for "I Remain", I appreciate it very much. Glad you liked the "dream state". I will work on it, as you suggested. ;-)

Marsink commented on I Remain

01-15-2011

Constancy is not always our strong suit, but there is one who is faithful, who sticks closer than a brother, at all times. Your writing is surreal and ethereal, complex and paradoxical. An excellent formation of thought that bridges concrete reasoning and the dream state, in search of stability that is not found in humankind, alone. Applause Crescendo!!!

danmartyjake1

01/17/2011

Thanks for that lovely compliment to my writing. Especially, because it comes from a wonderful poet that I admire so much.

kdarcy commented on I Remain

01-15-2011

Images, one after another, and silence shouting. Love the two closing lines, well done k

danmartyjake1

01/17/2011

K, many thanks for the response to "I Remain". It's funny because this poem came from a feeling that started out as something else and weaved it's own story somehow, separate from the origin.

Mayuna commented on I Remain

01-15-2011

All I could picture was looking out across a vast nothingness all alone. I love how your words flow. Very nice work.

danmartyjake1

01/15/2011

Mayuna, Thanks so much for your kind words about"I Remain". I will be sure to look at your page and I hope we will stay in touch on OP.

kmooney commented on I Remain

01-15-2011

There's is something tranquil about this poem that I like. It's soothing, in a spiritual way. Nice job. I always like reading your works. Thanks for sharing...Kevin.

danmartyjake1

01/15/2011

Kevin, I appreciate your kindness- I was reading some of your recent ones and you haven't lost your creative touch. Smiles!

Poetry is finer and more philosophical than history; for poetry expresses the universal, and history only the particular.

Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC) Greek philosopher.

danmartyjake1’s Poems (99)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Embrace Truth 3
Testament of Un-Clutching 14
Love Transcends All 5
Something For Me 5
Pockets Lined With Jade 3
I Remain 7
Forgiveness Haiku 8
Nothingness 7
Vampire Kiss 14
Seething 7
Baby Star 7
Let Me Show You 6
I Don't Care Anymore 7
The Path Forward 7
New World 20
Message from a Scandal 19
seraph seduction 29
Meditation Haiku 12
Flecks of Light 13
Desire 8
CODA 6
Twins Haiku 5
Night on the Farm 7
For the Bereft 8
Love Haiku 10
Winter Haiku 9
Vampires' Moon 13
Huntress 12
Dear Mommy 12
Remembrance 10
Loves Gambler 3
Pirate Love 10
Eternal Memory Kept 13
The Only Way to Win 22
Waiting 12
The Message to Be 8
Soul Riding 12
Pray to Stay 7
Naked Love 12
Kismet 19
Down to Pieces and Parts 10
Bold Love 10
Spirit Body 17
Earth Love 19
Away to the Garden 11
True Friends 13
Feathers & Light 10
Thoughts on the Holiday 11
Grief Abounds 10
Dark Mossy Tree 7
Something Preserved 4
Ecstasy 11
Angels Had Songs 23
For Ardor 14
Arise from the Assault 7
Crossroads 5
In That Place 7
Rage 10
Carry the Flame 52
Lurks A Villain 13
Little Son 10
If You Don't Believe In Heaven 8
Passions' Dark Embrace 9
Swim Team 5
A Trainer's Mantra 8
At first Glance 7
Perseverance 9
America Rise Up 5
Cyclist 2
As Dusk Became Dawn 7
No School Today 4
Cheers for a Song 1
At Mother's Tender Breast 4
Innocence Departed 10
Water Dance 11
Honesty 11
Innocent 3
Nor'Easter 6
Wind 7
Stoned Love 7
Dance the Dance 11
Tribute 2
Wonder 7
All Proper Hollow Staples 5
Stormy 10
A Lover Knows 6
Prayer's Light 8
Child Dream 13
Forgiveness Prayer 8
My Prince 10
Twilight 8
Carriage 3
A Heart's Song 3
Barter 3
Hearth 5
Transcendance 6
Clearing 5
Fields of Jasmine 17
A Little Part of Us 9