I REMEMBER…

R U Crying or laughing
Not laughing just smiling
Not smiling just pretending to smile
Pretending like a child….playing make believe
But I do believe
In laughter and smiles
I remember them from when I was young
Back when life was fun
Back when living was fun
Before the days of beatdowns and carrying guns
Before the days of hating priests and nuns
Before the days of sodomy and premature cum
Before the days of innocence lost
A monsters pleasure at a child’s cost
Keeping secrets children shouldn’t have to keep
Like the night I was awakened from my sleep
For your perverted pleasure and my demise
In the morning you apologized, said you loved me and wiped the tears from my eyes
Years later not much has changed
You’re still deranged and we’ve become estranged
But I’m older now, and my memories leave me in a rage
You ruined my coming of age and left me in shock
You drove me to depression, on the brink of insanity
‘Got me questioning the man in me, ‘Cause you put your man in me
You drove me to sadness, tears and eventually madness
You drove me to this Glock pressed up against your head
You drove me to the confusion of which of us should be dead
And can I deal with the consequences of it being either one of us
So your prayers are being answered
‘Cuz Nigga I’m dam sure ready to Buss…..
But I’m also ready to live & maybe one day be able to forgive
But I’ll never forget
So now I’m laughing….Really laughing
Now I’m smiling…Really smiling
Not pretending to smile
As I live and love as purely as a child
In my second childhood