Jerrold Elliot

1 Comments

Poem Commentary

I saw him once running, turn and come into Great Light

Jerrold Elliot

Down through the ages, I saw you.
I watched as you watered your dreams.
How I longed-wanted to be a steadying influence,
to pull you from life's cruel extremes.

I thought often of you, my Brother.
Of lives that we both have lived,
I remembered the sun of your youth
and the order - the priority you gave "to be free".

I saw nothing to harness your spirit,
your mood was, "okay, that's cool!".
Who could have known storms were coming,
          clouds to hover
despair to cover - paths that would laugh, taunt and
with  tease, yell "Fool!"

I watched as you settled for - but never settled down.
I witnessed a once, undaunted smile...slowly move to a
morphed kind of frown.

it was the sunset of years I remember,
those takers-such stealer's of dreams;
Where I saw no rest for you, weary.
No place to ly down it would seem...

Then!
Through life's darkness a Piercing, A ray
moving, into your night!!
So strong to the eye, this Beholder,
so Powerful the course of it's flight...

Straight in and over, to the heart of the matter!
So blasting, so bold,
sweeping clean and so Cold, a once clenched fist trying hard-fast to hold
Chained up - Pent up - Tied Shards,
I saw Darkness, shatter!

Now as I look, I see and you're free,
Not as proposed but more
as One should Be...

Living out life in sweet-complete Victory.

Poem Comments

(1)

Please login or register

You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

Login or Register

RHPeat commented on Jerrold Elliot

11-21-2009

Jeff/ an interesting eulogy for your brother, the meter of the lines/verses breaks the flow within the really long lines. Thekyk change the rhythm some. Maybe break them to maintain the cadence in the versification might help. Try it and read it aloud a few times and see how it sounds. a poet friend// RH Peat

JeffBQ

11/22/2009

Thanks RHPeat, There was a reason cit was broken in flow and that was purpose full as it represented a life that was broken @ best. I wanted my audience to experience potential unrealized. thanks for recognizing that it was developed in the content...Thanks for the critique and I will take your suggestions to heart! appreciat the visit peat I have read your work and am honored that you stopped by.

To have great poets there must be great audiences too.

Walt Whitman, American Poet (1819-1892)

JeffBQ’s Poems (20)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Sing the Verse - The Universe 0
“My Morning Eyes” 0
“Looking for peace…” 0
“Two Twelve” 1
I Know What I Heard! 0
Song In The Key of "J" 1
The Visit 0
Shadow Teacher 0
Thanks is Giving 0
Jerrold Elliot 1
American / My Son (Joel) 0
The Master is a Builder 2
Jaime 0
Kahaalidah 0
Faces 0
The Put Off 0
The Last Time 1
Aunt Hattie...An-c
estry!
2
Harnessing The Wind 1
Anniversary 0