Poem Commentary

i have always been afraid of trains...well, ending up beneath one. however, i still imagine myself jumping.



the metal serpent screeched and cried
balked then halted and hissed it's distaste
                  as it
came to a complete steaming stop
                  in this iron city 
if it could frown as it lowered it's crown
the tears would come down
in a flurry of sorrow and sorry
so ashamed of it's own immense intensity

the body beneath it's wheels and the blood on it's tracks
bathe steel, rubber and wood
to take it back if only it could
the sparks fly but not in celebration



Poem Comments


Please login or register

You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

Login or Register

trocka7 commented on jumper


Crush, awesome imagery and great job of making me empathize with the train!! "so ashamed of it's immense intensity", I could see this poor train's sad face, trying so hard to do no harm...at least that is what I took from it. I am always fascinated by the idea of inanimate/non-living objects having thoughts and feelings...I loved this, thanks for sharing it

Bobbie876 commented on jumper


Big grin ....i'd so use this to teach my kids the effective use of imagery! you didn't waste a single word! the structure added to the appeal



oh, thank you so much. i am from the greater new york area and i have always been afraid of trains and have always loved them in the same breath. they seem alive to me, lol. thank you for your time.

EyesOfRain commented on jumper


This one makes me shudder! You certainly conveyed your fear of the train through to the reader. Great wordplay!!!

Kingwebstar commented on jumper


Awesome write great job You said you been underneath one really or is that a metaphor? Sorry I will continue reading more from you I have been busy juggling out 3 other poetry sites too .King is everywhere lol Keep writing and thanks for the comment Love Da KinG



king is everywhere ! you are funny. I think that we would be friends if we knew each other.

lisaner commented on jumper


Good work!! This poem gripped me from start to finish. Interesting portrayal of the train's distaste and shame at its power. 10



i know it's somewhat of a stretch and maybe a bit foolish, but, i wanted to portray the train's sorrow at the hands of human tragedy and violence. bringing the inanimate to animation is often how i entertain myself with these thoughts and pictures. it's very difficult and there are many many failures along the way.

The true philosopher and the true poet are one, and a beauty, which is truth, and a truth, which is beauty, is the aim of both.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet (1803-1882)

Crush’s Poems (59)

Title Comments
Title Comments
carried off by owls 1
Santa Claus Is Coming Around 1
skin 2
the midnight girl 1
hold 1
here 0
the other 1
flashback 1
violent pretty 1
the people in the attic 1
the ride 1
my nightmares are awake 1
no bugs 6
waiting 3
welcome 5
a fetus in a clear bowling ball 6
crows feet 7
rats 5
the mobster 4
perfect 6
jumper 5
lady godiva 3
malaise 3
pirate 4
flight on time 3
fear of falling 4
unfinished crow ? 5
touch ( aka, am i made of summer ) 8
elephant 5
cancer 8
skyline 5
st. saviour 2
satellites 4
were you waiting for me ? 10
snapshot 5
fists 12
lauren 17
insomnia 18
ceremony 12
mother 14
ash 27
the june bug 15
low 19
thorns 10
paralyzed 9
mr. sparkle 15
dresses 15
glass 13
cemetaries 18
throe 18
if i fell in love 27
pills 22
off black 20
mannequin 22
umbrage 12
sick boy 12
kelly has a big head 21
unfairly fairy 26