jumper

5 Comments

Tags:
  • Inside Cryings.
    • ,
  • Loss
    • ,
  • Philosophy
    • ,
  • Dark Poetry
    • ,
  • Sadness

    Poem Commentary

    i have always been afraid of trains...well, ending up beneath one. however, i still imagine myself jumping.

    jumper

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    the metal serpent screeched and cried
    then halted and hissed it's distaste
                      as it
    came to a complete steaming stop
                      in this iron city 
    if it could frown as it lowered it's crown
    the tears would come down
    in a flurry of sorrow and sorry
    ashamed of it's immense intensity

    the body beneath it's wheels and the blood on it's tracks
    bathe steel, rubber and wood
    to take it back if only it could
     
    the sparks flew but not in celebration






    jumper











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    Poem Comments

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    trocka7 commented on jumper

    03-08-2013

    Crush, awesome imagery and great job of making me empathize with the train!! "so ashamed of it's immense intensity", I could see this poor train's sad face, trying so hard to do no harm...at least that is what I took from it. I am always fascinated by the idea of inanimate/non-living objects having thoughts and feelings...I loved this, thanks for sharing it
    Reply to Comment

    Bobbie876 commented on jumper

    09-16-2012

    Big grin ....i'd so use this to teach my kids the effective use of imagery! you didn't waste a single word! the structure added to the appeal
    Reply to Comment

    Crush

    09/18/2012

    oh, thank you so much. i am from the greater new york area and i have always been afraid of trains and have always loved them in the same breath. they seem alive to me, lol. thank you for your time.

    EyesOfRain commented on jumper

    08-28-2012

    This one makes me shudder! You certainly conveyed your fear of the train through to the reader. Great wordplay!!!
    Reply to Comment

    Kingwebstar commented on jumper

    08-22-2012

    Awesome write great job You said you been underneath one really or is that a metaphor? Sorry I will continue reading more from you I have been busy juggling out 3 other poetry sites too .King is everywhere lol Keep writing and thanks for the comment Love Da KinG
    Reply to Comment

    Crush

    08/28/2012

    king is everywhere ! you are funny. I think that we would be friends if we knew each other.

    lisaner commented on jumper

    08-21-2012

    Good work!! This poem gripped me from start to finish. Interesting portrayal of the train's distaste and shame at its power. 10
    Reply to Comment

    Crush

    08/21/2012

    i know it's somewhat of a stretch and maybe a bit foolish, but, i wanted to portray the train's sorrow at the hands of human tragedy and violence. bringing the inanimate to animation is often how i entertain myself with these thoughts and pictures. it's very difficult and there are many many failures along the way.

    To have great poets there must be great audiences too.

    Walt Whitman, American Poet (1819-1892)

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