"Kicking Dragon Butt"

(chapter 4)

The next morning we found Dragon camped near the Missouri river in a little copse near a small tree covered hillside. Apparently he had been having one grand old time as attested to by the 4 empty whiskey bottles and lots of chewed up peyote buttons littering the ground as well as the almost magical presence of his girl and part time whore, Rosie. No one has ever been able to understand her attraction to him. It couldn't be his looks as he enjoyed the appearance of a pimpled weasel with bad teeth, and it surely couldn't be his intellect. We decided to trail him when they left to see what he was up to.

After a lot of heavy moaning and whining they saddled up and went their separate ways, she back into town, he headed south towards Black Eagle. We decided to send for The Big Galoot as I suspected that whatever happened he would want to be there. After dispatching Judge Jury to fetch said Galoot Gracie The Gun and I took to the Dragon's trail. We came upon him once again about six miles down river at a less than well known camp site where he was drinking with Dino and The Desert Kid or Desi as we liked to call him. I slipped in close for a better look. They were drinking and shooting at the pelicans resting on the river. Just for a joke I loosened the reins on the three horses and waited for the next shot. Just as I began to wonder if their cruel game had ended there came a shot followed by three stampeding horses one of which I had slapped on the butt. They being horses took off in three different directions with Dino's heading north and Desi's heading west towards town. Dragon's horse typically ran east smack into the Missouri river where it panicked and began to flounder. This plan was going far better than I had hoped. I walked into their camp and took all of their whiskey and sourdough throwing live rounds onto their fire. I looked up to see Gracie rolling on the ground and holding her sides.

The next day The Big Galoot arrived with The Judge and another party. It had been years since I had seen Chuck, the man with the plan. Chuck is an extremely handsome man and well known for his clever capers. A man who could plan was a welcome addition to our growing tribe of whom we immediately took advantage of his wit and asked him what the plan for tomorrow would be. He told us that tomorrow was not in his plans but tonight was very much so. Asked what he meant Chuck pointed toward one of the bottles I had appropriated and grinned. Chuck had an uncanny love for alcohol of any kind and wasn't proud in that sense of the word. Fortified with about half a bottle he unveiled his hopes for the evening's entertainment.

We had Chuck ride into the enemy camp and start drinking with them as according to plan while the rest of us rode seven miles west to a well known secret house which is not only reputed to be haunted but in truth really is haunted by some scary spirits or whatever. We took up our positions about five hundred feet in the front of the house as the back and both sides are completely barren for miles. If the worst should occur and the monsters didn't make an appearance this night we would be ready to keep our foes off balance. Well, the spirits did appear that night but I am getting ahead of myself.

Chuck and company arrived a bit after eleven that evening as according to his plan. They were all falling down drunk and looked like they had been at the buttons again. They expected to meet Rosie and some of her friends for a hot night of partying and loving. The Judge almost ruined everything when they started whining that they didn't know this was the house they were to meet the gals at. I had to put both hands over Judge Jury's mouth and use all my weight to keep him from having a laughter seizure right there, right then.

As Chuck explained to the gang that his family owned the land and house and the rumors of hauntings were just myths we moved in closer. At a nearer distance a half way sober person could feel the evil emanating from the building. Approaching the house Chuck started counting his companions: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, siiiixx at which they all ran into the building. We could see from our vantage point a dark, large, figure standing at an upstairs window. Suddenly we didn't feel so brazen. A moment or two later an excruciatingly loud and piercing scream tormented the air followed by several more coming from all around us. All of us had to fight hard to not be drawn into that dwelling of evil like a magnet that bewitches. I don't know how Chuck escaped from that hell but he joined us a few minutes after the screams began. When asked how he managed that trick he told us that he wasn't all that affected as he just didn't give a f***. We called him give a f*** Chuck after that. We then all headed back to town to see what tomorrow might bring us in our never ending journey of laughter and revenge.

more later