Lately
Lately it seems what I am looking for is something more tangible than just sex, Lately I feel the need to be needed, wanted, yearned for, caressed ....Lately.
Lately I feel a depression that is so deep creeping up on me , the realization that I am feeling lonely Lately. I know that Change gonna come if I just hold on ...but Lately I want to give in to this feeling of sadness, wanting to cry, have a drink or something to get rid of this feeling of being a little tired and a bit vulnerable...Lately.
Lately I realize that my walls that I have built around my "Little Girl" thats inside are crumbling and she is scared of being hurt, abused, used in ways unimaginable to those who know me now... yet dont really know me because the person that they think they know is really just the "Big Sister" and "Keeper" of the Little girl behind the wall and they are both tired and afraid ..Lately the Big Sister feels a need to sleep..Lately more than ever the Little sister Zenja wants ever so much to cry in someones arms no words just face buried deep in the chest of a man that wont say anything but the hug so safe will say dont worry I wont let anyone harm you ...you are safe. Yet the Big Sister "Lee" wont let it happen and everytime some one shows them just a little bit of affection it upsets the balance and she sabatoges everything because its easier to concentrate on Zenja then to have others to have to care about and she hasnt learned how to separate her feelings of need , want , have and lost the line gets blurred and the big sis in Lee spills over onto others and its just to much...Lately she entertains the thought of relapse, temper short, hates , and she fears Lately that someone is gonna see through all of this and kiss her, hug her and crumble the last bit of her walls before she has a chance to reinforce them and bring back the bitch that has no feelings and works to try never to feel "Lee". Lately..................... I feel like..........Help Me ..which is Zenja and Lee says I dont need Help.. Lately ..I feel ....HUMAN!!!!!!!!
Lately I feel a depression that is so deep creeping up on me , the realization that I am feeling lonely Lately. I know that Change gonna come if I just hold on ...but Lately I want to give in to this feeling of sadness, wanting to cry, have a drink or something to get rid of this feeling of being a little tired and a bit vulnerable...Lately.
Lately I realize that my walls that I have built around my "Little Girl" thats inside are crumbling and she is scared of being hurt, abused, used in ways unimaginable to those who know me now... yet dont really know me because the person that they think they know is really just the "Big Sister" and "Keeper" of the Little girl behind the wall and they are both tired and afraid ..Lately the Big Sister feels a need to sleep..Lately more than ever the Little sister Zenja wants ever so much to cry in someones arms no words just face buried deep in the chest of a man that wont say anything but the hug so safe will say dont worry I wont let anyone harm you ...you are safe. Yet the Big Sister "Lee" wont let it happen and everytime some one shows them just a little bit of affection it upsets the balance and she sabatoges everything because its easier to concentrate on Zenja then to have others to have to care about and she hasnt learned how to separate her feelings of need , want , have and lost the line gets blurred and the big sis in Lee spills over onto others and its just to much...Lately she entertains the thought of relapse, temper short, hates , and she fears Lately that someone is gonna see through all of this and kiss her, hug her and crumble the last bit of her walls before she has a chance to reinforce them and bring back the bitch that has no feelings and works to try never to feel "Lee". Lately..................... I feel like..........Help Me ..which is Zenja and Lee says I dont need Help.. Lately ..I feel ....HUMAN!!!!!!!!
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