"Loving Me"

Nights like most others, lasting long.
When I had no lover and stared at the phone.
Wondering if God could hear my pleas.
This lonely heart so full of need.

I could count the stars way back then.
I could hear the crickets call out to friends.
I would watch the glow of the lighting bug, and long to feel a gentle hug.

And then I met you just like a dream.
Love at first sight, at first it seemed.
Months of abstinence and so I indulged.
Felt the world so full of love.
Held you tight as I moaned of lust.
This man I adored this man I trust.

In a subtle breath I thanked the Lord.
Until there was nothing about you I did not love.
But somehow admist my days of pleasure,
experienced trash in place of treasure.
Like thunder couldn't see its approach,
and in an instant I lost all hope.

But what should I do when you kept me wet?
I was so use to loving you I gave up my respect.

It wasn't uncommon then to feel the 'backhand',
to get a phone call about my man.
Pierced by the thorns of such a lovely rose,
I was bruised from my head down to my toes.

Suddenly I couldn't see the stars for the gray sky.
Couldn't hear the crickets above my cries.
My nights were spent worrying whether you, was somewhere making me look like a fool.

What can I say? What shall I do when it hurts so much loving you?

Do I go back to those lonely nights?
When I wished on a bug with a light?
Because I had no life on my own,
do I go back to being alone?

It's was a decision so hard to make,
that I could feel my heart literally shake.
So much confusion I never knew,
it would be so difficult loving you.

But now stars shine twice as bright I count each one.
Lonely night greet the sun.
I reminisce on how you made me feel.
But the screams of my agony drowned out the squeals.

The glow of the lighting bug shines with hope.
That one day a love won't make me choke.

Our last conversation rings through my head, as I stretched my arms across the bed.
"Its a peace within" I tried to explain. "That makes your love not worth the pain". Still he couldn't see why I would leave, so I said, "Because loving you means hating me".

Ladies, physical touches don't matter when you're under a spell and you're in a battle that feels like hell.
And loneliness is such small price to pay, if your biggest enemy besides you lay.

So I take my nights full of optimism,
sewing seeds to wait out the season.
I believe in Justice and I believe in God,
and I know that lusting won't heal my heart.
But admiring "self" appeases the angels above.
And it is through this lesson, I learn "TRUE LOVE"!



*Never give anyone the power, to stop you from loving 'you'*



V Lyric Parker