Poem Commentary

This is my first attempt at Haiku, and it's probably way off the mark. Any help on the form itself would be especially appreciated. Good day!


In a daydream once,
I met the blue summer sun
Of a daydream hence.

In the meantime since,
I wait eon by eon
By a springtime fence.

Poem Comments


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dancinghawk commented on "Lucid"


nice parallel construction for a day-dreamy share ... -dh



Thank you, dh! Thanks for visiting and dreaming with me for a minute or two. God bless!

aw3haiku commented on "Lucid"


love it. on rereading the title, it sucks you in. the soft rhyme make it roll long like the eye over pasture hills in this would be recurring "day"dream. I particularly like how you break our attention and long roll feeling with "eon by eon," punctuating us to feel the sense of trying to count thru what is an eternity in this timelessness. 10



Ty, aw3! Dooood, I've just read your first four - and you know precisely how to capture moments! Heads up, a pm and a review or two are coming your way! God bless.

ginga commented on "Lucid"


stardrift, You done good, I mean fabulous even. ty for these delightful haiku. ginga



Ty, Ginga! Maybe mine are 'low-ku', lol! God bless!

kdarcy commented on "Lucid"


These lines radiate warm colors and calmness, nice. Be well k



Thanks, K. Calm, as long as it doesn't make you sleepy, lol! Peace.

MindNumbing commented on "Lucid"


Fantastic haiku set, Stardrift... this just radiates with peacefulness :) Thanks for sharing!



Thanks, MN. Haiku in all its modified and dishonored glory, lol! But I'm working on it. It might be a new passion, and especially Scifaiku - Science Fiction Haiku! Spirit bless!!

A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. It finds the thought and the thought finds the words.

Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

Stardrift’s Poems (12)

Title Comments
Title Comments
"Midnights" (haiku) 0
"Lucid" 10
Where Does the Time Go? 12
"Aquafire" 27
"The Worst Third of a Day for a Ladybug" 18
"Neanderlove" 18
"Abstract Blue" 17
"Brightest and Bluest" 12
"For Summer Isles" 15
"Tomorrow's Sun" 21
"Night of the Snow Moth" 18
"Scotengire's Missive" 38