"Lucid"

10 Comments

Poem Commentary

This is my first attempt at Haiku, and it's probably way off the mark. Any help on the form itself would be especially appreciated. Good day!

"Lucid"





In a daydream once,
I met the blue summer sun
Of a daydream hence.


In the meantime since,
I wait eon by eon
By a springtime fence.




Poem Comments

(10)

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dancinghawk commented on "Lucid"

02-14-2011

nice parallel construction for a day-dreamy share ... -dh

Stardrift

02/14/2011

Thank you, dh! Thanks for visiting and dreaming with me for a minute or two. God bless!

aw3haiku commented on "Lucid"

02-14-2011

love it. on rereading the title, it sucks you in. the soft rhyme make it roll long like the eye over pasture hills in this would be recurring "day"dream. I particularly like how you break our attention and long roll feeling with "eon by eon," punctuating us to feel the sense of trying to count thru what is an eternity in this timelessness. 10

Stardrift

02/14/2011

Ty, aw3! Dooood, I've just read your first four - and you know precisely how to capture moments! Heads up, a pm and a review or two are coming your way! God bless.

ginga commented on "Lucid"

01-18-2011

stardrift, You done good, I mean fabulous even. ty for these delightful haiku. ginga

Stardrift

01/18/2011

Ty, Ginga! Maybe mine are 'low-ku', lol! God bless!

kdarcy commented on "Lucid"

01-15-2011

These lines radiate warm colors and calmness, nice. Be well k

Stardrift

01/15/2011

Thanks, K. Calm, as long as it doesn't make you sleepy, lol! Peace.

MindNumbing commented on "Lucid"

01-12-2011

Fantastic haiku set, Stardrift... this just radiates with peacefulness :) Thanks for sharing!

Stardrift

01/12/2011

Thanks, MN. Haiku in all its modified and dishonored glory, lol! But I'm working on it. It might be a new passion, and especially Scifaiku - Science Fiction Haiku! Spirit bless!!

Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

Stardrift’s Poems (12)

Title Comments
Title Comments
"Midnights" (haiku) 0
"Lucid" 10
Where Does the Time Go? 12
"Aquafire" 27
"The Worst Third of a Day for a Ladybug" 18
"Neanderlove" 18
"Abstract Blue" 17
"Brightest and Bluest" 12
"For Summer Isles" 15
"Tomorrow's Sun" 21
"Night of the Snow Moth" 18
"Scotengire's Missive" 38