Marriage

The thought of it made me smile

until I frowned, cried

No longer friends, enemies

What happened to the love

Was it ever present

Maybe

Was it fabricated

Maybe

For better or worse

What if worse came first, and it never got better

Is my heart suppose to suffer because we took those vows

Stay unhappy because we have kids

I left for the kids, yes I did

How can I be all they need me to be, unhappy

Your secrets wounded me

Had me thinking love wasn’t for me

Engaged to new habits and friends

Because my world had been turned upside down

I packed my things and walked away

You wanted me to stay but the pain was excruciating

Forced into an unknown journey

Not knowing my final destination

Took years to restore me

Fish scales covered my eyes

Afraid of the woman in the mirror

Nothing seemed clear

Until…the day I met me

A woman who had died and fought for her life

Purposely driven to a finish line

Only to start another race in time

No more negativity

Outweighed by the positive

Finally believed in treasures after a rainbow

even if it takes a lifetime to get it, optimistic

The love I have for me cannot be measured

nor altered

I will only vow my heart and my soul to my creator

The one who keeps me sane, whole.

Until he has a match perfectly fashioned for me

I remain, optimistic.

Copyright 2009 Antira Jackson