Maybe Tomorrow ...

29 Comments

Poem Commentary

This is the 1st in a series of 4 poems that deal with Depression. This one conveys the thoughts that may lead to a more severe case - The 2nd one is called On The Cliff's Edge- It deals with the choices one might make - The 3rd one is called In My Desperate Hour. This one deals with the devastating outcome if the wrong choice is made. The 4th one is called In A Blink Of An Eye - This one deals with the feelings of those that are left behind. ====================================================================== Depression kills ... I've seen it close up. It's a serious disease that can consume a life and effect the lives of many. This is not a personal account, just an observation and feeling.

Maybe Tomorrow ...

Maybe tomorrow will be better ...
Maybe it will bring a better day.
But when it arrives - Today I despise,
It just as much as yesterday.

Maybe tomorrow will bring love ...
Maybe loneliness will go away.
But when it arrives - it's here I reside,
Alone to face another day.

Maybe tomorrow the rain will stop ...
Maybe the sun will shine.
But when it arrives - the clouds in my mind,
Linger on into the night.

Maybe tomorrow my heart will beat ...
Maybe I'll gain control.
But when it arrives - I feel lost inside,
Not knowing which way to go.

Maybe tomorrow will be better ...
Maybe it will.
maybe ...
may-
be.

KjK010210 
 



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FranzJ commented on Maybe Tomorrow ...

08-16-2010

a message of hope to all who are depressed - tommorrow may be better

knight4696

08/16/2010

Thanks Franz .. Depression is the monster that hides in the closet ... it can rear it's ugly head at any given time .. one must fight it to keep it at bay. The thought that maybe tomorrow may be better - gives a glimmer of hope and strength .. Thanks Pal! :) Ken

aggieprof commented on Maybe Tomorrow ...

06-17-2010

Great emotion. Holds the reader. I agree with gmcookie. With a little work this can be a masterpiece. It is close now.

knight4696

06/17/2010

Thanks aggieprof! :) I appreciate your read and comments. I am truly humbled. I agree with both you and gmcookie and have accepted his offer to discuss. Thanks again pal! :) Ken

gmcookie commented on Maybe Tomorrow ...

06-17-2010

Knight, I think this is a great poem and it gets a very solid 10 from me. But if you don't mind some constructive criticism let me point out a few points about the poem's scansion. Look at the syllable count of the first line of each stanza: 9 - 8 - 8 - 8. That opening line of stanza one breaks up the rhythm of the piece. The "swing" of that first line (the pattern of emphasis in the words in the line) is also broken up by those final words "be better". There are other lines in other stanzas that also break the scansion. The end result is a disconnect for the reader. Now I am no expert on this - and admittedly, I am a slave to scansion. You can see that in many of my poems. But I think generally the fewer disconnects you have, the more flowing the rhythm, the easier it is for the reader. Perhaps we can chat in private and bounce some ideas back and forth, my friend.

knight4696

06/17/2010

Thank you gmcookie for an awesome review and critique. I love it when someone actually takes the time to evaluate a poem. I'm not usually one who cares about the rules too much. I usually lean towards calling it - poetic license. I personally judge on content and emotion ... But, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to hone my skills and be a little more concerned with the rules. If you'd like to chat sometime - send me a PM.and we can maybe set up something.. Thanks again pal for the extensive review and comment, Much appreciated! :) Ken

cheronld commented on Maybe Tomorrow ...

05-14-2010

I was encouraged to read this poem from the Queen...I have to say I am glad she did...this is such an emotional tale...I relate to it myself and the battle still rages on...really good..

knight4696

05/16/2010

Thank you Cheron! :) My Queen is recruiting readers?!!! She's in trouble now! lol! jk ... This series on depression means a lot to me. And it makes me happy when someone takes the time to read the complete series .... Thanks Cheron ..much appreciated!:) Ken

cousinsoren commented on Maybe Tomorrow ...

03-26-2010

I am impressed with the masterly handling of the motif, "maybe tomorrow" to capture and hold the audience, as well as to reinforce and sustain the theme of depression. The repetition of this motif to introduce each stanza and to conclude the poem, increases the intensity or fervency of doublt and hope throughout. A masterly wrought poem. My rating for diction, poetic strategy and versification, as well as for intensity of theme, is 10x10+

knight4696

03/26/2010

Cuz! How are ya buddy?! Thanks so much for your awesome review and comments! I really appreciate it! This being the first of 4 in a series is my way of alerting the public to this very real and sometimes tragic disease and I am so honored by your accolades. I also want to apologize for not visiting my friends pages lately - Life has been a whirlwind lately and once things slow down I promise too visit all my friends pages. Thanks again my friend! :) Ken

Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

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Nocturnal Emissions 16
You've Got Mail 28
VALENTINES 13
Voices From Beyond The Door 22
Knight Dreams 25
Dead Silence 23
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Damned If I Know ... 24
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Sex With The X 42
Celestial Romance 28
In My Desperate Hour 27
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 15
On The Cliff's Edge 31
Maybe Tomorrow ... 29
Ride On 29
ALL GOD'S CHILDREN (A Christmas Song) 38
UNHOLY UNION ~ The Beginning 42
Blood Rain 49
My Broken Heart Bleeds 24
Oblivious 24
Coexistence 26
Haven't We Met Before? 19
Blank Page 87
Salted Wound 14
In A Blink Of An Eye 24
Under The Autumn Moon 21
Dirty Talk 21
The Thrones Of Mankind 12
Shake Ya Down!! 19
Save Me!! 17
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Winter Witch 13
Forever - I Love You 10
Tuning Out 15
Fool In The Dark 15
Separate Stars 17
Another State Of Confusion 15
Desolation Of The Damned 17
Learning To Love 15
Forever Rockin'!! 10
Dawn's Coming! 12
It May All Be A Dream 12
Fountains Of Flame 12
Reflections Of Yesterday 6
It Depends!!! 9
SOMETHING MEANT TO BE 17
OPEN WINDOWS " A Different Point Of View" 15
INDECISION 19
Ponder 23
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