Maybe Tomorrow ...


Poem Commentary

This is the 1st in a series of 4 poems that deal with Depression. This one conveys the thoughts that may lead to a more severe case - The 2nd one is called On The Cliff's Edge- It deals with the choices one might make - The 3rd one is called In My Desperate Hour. This one deals with the devastating outcome if the wrong choice is made. The 4th one is called In A Blink Of An Eye - This one deals with the feelings of those that are left behind. ====================================================================== Depression kills ... I've seen it close up. It's a serious disease that can consume a life and effect the lives of many. This is not a personal account, just an observation and feeling.

Maybe Tomorrow ...

Maybe tomorrow will be better ...
Maybe it will bring a better day.
But when it arrives - Today I despise,
It just as much as yesterday.

Maybe tomorrow will bring love ...
Maybe loneliness will go away.
But when it arrives - it's here I reside,
Alone to face another day.

Maybe tomorrow the rain will stop ...
Maybe the sun will shine.
But when it arrives - the clouds in my mind,
Linger on into the night.

Maybe tomorrow my heart will beat ...
Maybe I'll gain control.
But when it arrives - I feel lost inside,
Not knowing which way to go.

Maybe tomorrow will be better ...
Maybe it will.
maybe ...


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FranzJ commented on Maybe Tomorrow ...


a message of hope to all who are depressed - tommorrow may be better



Thanks Franz .. Depression is the monster that hides in the closet ... it can rear it's ugly head at any given time .. one must fight it to keep it at bay. The thought that maybe tomorrow may be better - gives a glimmer of hope and strength .. Thanks Pal! :) Ken

aggieprof commented on Maybe Tomorrow ...


Great emotion. Holds the reader. I agree with gmcookie. With a little work this can be a masterpiece. It is close now.



Thanks aggieprof! :) I appreciate your read and comments. I am truly humbled. I agree with both you and gmcookie and have accepted his offer to discuss. Thanks again pal! :) Ken

gmcookie commented on Maybe Tomorrow ...


Knight, I think this is a great poem and it gets a very solid 10 from me. But if you don't mind some constructive criticism let me point out a few points about the poem's scansion. Look at the syllable count of the first line of each stanza: 9 - 8 - 8 - 8. That opening line of stanza one breaks up the rhythm of the piece. The "swing" of that first line (the pattern of emphasis in the words in the line) is also broken up by those final words "be better". There are other lines in other stanzas that also break the scansion. The end result is a disconnect for the reader. Now I am no expert on this - and admittedly, I am a slave to scansion. You can see that in many of my poems. But I think generally the fewer disconnects you have, the more flowing the rhythm, the easier it is for the reader. Perhaps we can chat in private and bounce some ideas back and forth, my friend.



Thank you gmcookie for an awesome review and critique. I love it when someone actually takes the time to evaluate a poem. I'm not usually one who cares about the rules too much. I usually lean towards calling it - poetic license. I personally judge on content and emotion ... But, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to hone my skills and be a little more concerned with the rules. If you'd like to chat sometime - send me a PM.and we can maybe set up something.. Thanks again pal for the extensive review and comment, Much appreciated! :) Ken

cheronld commented on Maybe Tomorrow ...


I was encouraged to read this poem from the Queen...I have to say I am glad she did...this is such an emotional tale...I relate to it myself and the battle still rages on...really good..



Thank you Cheron! :) My Queen is recruiting readers?!!! She's in trouble now! lol! jk ... This series on depression means a lot to me. And it makes me happy when someone takes the time to read the complete series .... Thanks Cheron ..much appreciated!:) Ken

cousinsoren commented on Maybe Tomorrow ...


I am impressed with the masterly handling of the motif, "maybe tomorrow" to capture and hold the audience, as well as to reinforce and sustain the theme of depression. The repetition of this motif to introduce each stanza and to conclude the poem, increases the intensity or fervency of doublt and hope throughout. A masterly wrought poem. My rating for diction, poetic strategy and versification, as well as for intensity of theme, is 10x10+



Cuz! How are ya buddy?! Thanks so much for your awesome review and comments! I really appreciate it! This being the first of 4 in a series is my way of alerting the public to this very real and sometimes tragic disease and I am so honored by your accolades. I also want to apologize for not visiting my friends pages lately - Life has been a whirlwind lately and once things slow down I promise too visit all my friends pages. Thanks again my friend! :) Ken

Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

knight4696’s Poems (104)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Suicide Jack 3
Mother 8
Full Moon At Half Moon Bay 4
December Mourning 5
Turbulance 10
The Birth Of The Black Knight (Prelude to The Damsel's Demise) 2
Members Only ... The Complete Six Part Series 3
Members Only .. Part Six "Dead Awake" The Conclusion 5
Members Only .. Part Five "dis-Member-m
Members Only .. Part Four "The Manifestation
Members Only .. Part Three "The Enticement" 11
Members Only .. Part Two "Membership Has It's Benefits" 15
Members Only .. Part One "The Grand Opening" 17
Labyrinth Of Lies 16
A Crazy Christmas 19
In A Child's Eyes 33
A Perfect Peace 22
Summer's End 18
Insomniac 22
What If? 19
The Widow's Web 25
The FairyTale Ending 17
CrAcKeD 18
The Castle's Keep 14
Into The Realm 15
Alone In The Dark 24
The Fraternity 16
Take My Hand If You Dare (Video) 18
The Possession 17
Demon Seed 21
Cries Of The Innocent 17
The Demon Dance 15
The Offering 13
Take My Hand If You Dare 13
Somewhere Within ... 13
Festival Of Frights 14
Serenity Severance 15
BloodStone Hotel 26
Sister Sin 24
A Cry In The Knight 23
As Darkness Calls . . . 18
WTF?! 28
The Monsters Of The Moat 10
The Damsel's Demise (a grim gothic tale) 5
The Awakening 8
Sunshine In The Rain 5
Path To Misery 18
Unholy Union ~ Part II 11
Emotional Inebriation 20
Ghost Writer 24
Nocturnal Emissions 16
You've Got Mail 28
Voices From Beyond The Door 22
Knight Dreams 25
Dead Silence 23
Beyond The Door ... 29
Damned If I Know ... 24
Captive 25
Sex With The X 42
Celestial Romance 28
In My Desperate Hour 27
On The Cliff's Edge 31
Maybe Tomorrow ... 29
Ride On 29
ALL GOD'S CHILDREN (A Christmas Song) 38
UNHOLY UNION ~ The Beginning 42
Blood Rain 49
My Broken Heart Bleeds 24
Oblivious 24
Coexistence 26
Haven't We Met Before? 19
Blank Page 87
Salted Wound 14
In A Blink Of An Eye 24
Under The Autumn Moon 21
Dirty Talk 21
The Thrones Of Mankind 12
Shake Ya Down!! 19
Save Me!! 17
Winter Witch 13
Forever - I Love You 10
Tuning Out 15
Fool In The Dark 15
Separate Stars 17
Another State Of Confusion 15
Desolation Of The Damned 17
Learning To Love 15
Forever Rockin'!! 10
Dawn's Coming! 12
It May All Be A Dream 12
Fountains Of Flame 12
Reflections Of Yesterday 6
It Depends!!! 9
OPEN WINDOWS " A Different Point Of View" 15
Ponder 23
Rainbows Of Tommorow 25