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  • MayaReid
  • has a new blog. If you want to learn more about her, check out www.afrodisisaccordingtome.blogspot.com

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My life’s all well and fine and good
I mean, I really shouldn’t complain
But sometimes it feels like it’s all just
A game
A game that I’m losing
Because I don’t even care
Sometimes I wonder if any of this is real
This can’t possibly be all there is
I’m searching for something…
More.

I can’t stand to be alone with myself
Sometimes I wish me would just go away
I want to be as far away from myself as possible
Where do I run to break away from me?
I want to escape from the prison of my maze
Because I’m not even enough for me
There has to be a different way to be
I’ve got to get away from here
I need a way out
Out of this rut I got myself stuck in.

I can’t just exist any longer
Day after day, everything the same
The worst day ever simply repeating
And I feel so hollow
Just empty and alone
And I can’t help but think I’ve done something wrong
Like the fault is no one’s
But my own.

And even during the very best times
It still feels like something’s…missing
Like there’s some hole deep within me
I feed it and feed it but it just won’t fill
There’s a piece of myself I just haven’t been able to find
And only emptiness where it should be
This tender nothingness at the very core of me.

I need to find my missing piece.

I’m hungry
I have been for a while
But I can’t figure out just what it is I have a taste for
Can’t think of anything that has the right shape
And every time I try
Something else gets sucked inside
Never to be seen again
And the hole gets deeper.

I’m so hollow.

Some days I sit there
Get lost in the deep darkness inside
And, to tell you the truth,
I just…
I don’t want to be here anymore
There’s gotta be something…else
Out there for me
This is all well and good,
But I want more.

I want…
What do I want?
That’s a damn good question:
What do I want?!?

I’m sick of ignoring –
I want my perfect shape!
I want a chance to be happy, too
I don’t want to feel this way anymore
Is there anything in this world that can make me whole?
Make me real or get me out of here –
I can’t do this anymore.

I thought I wanted someone who understood
Someone who could console my screams
But they can’t do it for me –
I need to understand
And I’m still screaming
I can’t play pretend anymore
I need more than good enough and oversized dreams.

They say to leave well enough alone
But I’m running out of time
If the sand runs out I’ll never flip the glass
Even now it’s getting hard to breathe
Why can’t anyone else see that I’m practically
In over my head?

So no more being “okay”
It’s time for the truth
I’m broken
Deal with it
Well, you can try…
I can’t just deal anymore
It’s come down to it or me:
One of the two has to go
And I’m sick of just giving in
Done with just letting it win
Can I take back having given up on myself?
I’m so hollow.

I’ve tasted the world outside
And I want more.

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Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

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MayaReid’s Poems (129)

Title Comments
Title Comments
A Discourse on Discourse 1
These Things 3
Figures 1
i should tell you 3
Empire State 0
Come Hell or High Water 1
Where Do We Go From Here? 2
Dispersal 0
Let Me Count the Ways 1
I am (or Kujichagulia) 2
Six Degrees of Steparation 1
My Best Friend's Wedding 0
Reflection 0
The Writing on the Walls 0
To My Mother, on Her Fortieth Birthday 2
Drunk Savior 0
Dear Son/Daughter 2
Escape Velocity 2
The Whisper 4
Rocks and Shoeboxes 1
The Day We Almost Kissed 1
Loving and Leaving 0
The String that...Saved Me? 0
The Love of My Life: Take Two 0
The Divorce 0
The Garden of Life 2
Some Things I Know 1
And One for Me? 4
Storms 2
Spider 0
Specks -2
Sorrow 0
Sonnet III 0
Sonnet II 0
Sonnet I 0
Sometimes 0
So They Told Me Society... 0
So I Heard In Class Today 0
So Far Away 0
So Beautiful 1
She Will be Missed 0
She Didn't Know 0
Running for My Life 1
Revolution Pie 0
Revision 0
Rejection 0
Questions 0
Pinnochio 0
Owl 0
Over You 1
Our Silent Stranger 0
Our Broken Possibility 0
Originality 1
One Coke with Two Straws 0
On Loan from the Universe 0
Nothing But Tomorrows 0
Not to Be 0
Not So Constructive Criticism 0
No One Knows 0
My Wish 0
My Shackles 1
My Friends 0
My Dream Truth -1
My Box 0
Mother Dearest 0
More 0
Mixed Signals 0
Maybe Crazy is Catchin' 0
Maya... 0
Loving You 0
Love 0
Losing Someone 2
Life 0
Letting Herself Love You 0
Faith 0
Kryptonite 1
Just Listen 3
It Seems Like I Can Only... 1
Incarcerated 0
If the Whole Wide World Was Up to Me 0
If Only 0
I Told You That I Loved You 0
How Did You Get Here? 1
Hoping Against Hope 0
Hold Fast to Love 0
Her Missing Soul 0
He Told Me He Was Coming 0
Half 0
Growing Up With You 0
Go Ahead and Gasp 0
Giving Thanks 0
Game. Set. Match. 0
Freedom 0
For You I Will 0
Flying from the Masquerade Ball 1
Finding the Lost You 0
Fell 0
Falling 1
Extraordinary Girl 1
Effortless 0
Dying Without You 0
Drifting Apart 1
Don't Make Me Any Promises 0
Differences 2
Did You Ever Wonder... 2
Despite Our Efforts 1
Depression 3
Defining Me 1
Deeper 1
Dear Daddy 3
Come to Me 0
Closets 3
Broken, Bruised, and Bloody 2
Breaking Through the Sky of Lies 1
Blue 3
Bloody Love 0
Birthday 1
Between 0
Be Good to Your Daughters 2
Band Aids 1
An Ode to Music 4
An Ode to Dreaming 1
Americans, the Circus Folk 4
Alone 2
A.D.D. 3
A Not a Poem Poem 3
A Love Forgotten 3
A Love Deferred 1
A Beautiful Lie 7