Murder!

7 Comments

Murder!

Once I was a boy who gave his love freely.
Then, I could smile and laugh gleefully.
Then, I was unbound by hurt.
Then, I could embrace the whole world and give of myself freely.

The boy I was died, No he was murdered!

Now, I have no heart to give,
No one to give my best.
No reason to want life.
The worlds embrace is cold, like a knife inside my chest.

She will not remove this shiv.
She will not look upon my face. for guilt/fear?
She murdered me! This is no lie, I tell you,
She destroyed who I was at the base.
She has erased me without a tear.

My Killer, My Lover, My Friend, My Heart, My Breath, My Life.
Always I will be buried six feet below this hole in my chest.
You could find me here if ever you wanted even in the next life.
I would come back to life for only a slight embrace. Look at you with Love again. Then hand you my heart again, along with your knife.

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BringMeBullets commented on Murder!

04-09-2010

Mmm... There is lots of power in this write. So much power, in fact, that I have practically lost myself in your descriptions and expressions. You are talented, and I am looking forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing.

ParticleSon commented on Murder!

07-25-2009

I like the focus on a specific event/person; the My Killer, My Lover... lines; "hand you my heart again, along with the knife." Possible adjustments: Guilt/fear tear at the rhythm. How might you phrase this differently to keep the rhythm (maybe even make it more visual). Might you lessen the repetition of 'then' in the beginning, adjust the line breaks in the last stanza to better fit the rest of the poem? Why is the knife inside your chest cold? It seems like it might be better described as burning (yes, a cold emotion put it there, but might the contrast between the images make that section stand out more?)

Will28

07/27/2009

Thanks for the suggestions I will look it over.

786mona commented on Murder!

07-09-2009

i like it:) :) it is a cool poem!:):))

Miriam commented on Murder!

07-06-2009

ouch! thats sad and harsh and actually very well written

jademelissa74 commented on Murder!

06-10-2009

Painful content, indeed! You manage to portray the core of a brokenheart! You take the reader to painful state; where he/she can live through the story. Great Job!

Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

Unknown Source

Will28’s Poems (7)

Title Comments
Title Comments
The Phoenix’s Song 6
The Phoenix's Shame 1
Reborn... Forged from the carnage. 2
Murder! 7
It was my heart... Who I was. 1
A Prayer-Intern
al Storm
1
This is my heart... This is me 4