My Feelings About You

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This Is For My Forever Love, Maybe A Lost Love - Jacob. If You See This. Please. Please Read It... I Love You.... <3

My Feelings About You

How do I express
The feelings I have
About you?
After all that has happened;
How do I share it with you,
Well enough to touch your heart?
What words molded together
Will get you to understand,
To open your mouth and speak to me.
I spent two years chasing
Our happy ending.
In the last heart-beanding months of it,
Yes my faith was shaken.
I did ask for space on a few occasions,
Only to come back to you a week later
Because I found that you are what I truly wanted.
I didn't want a week long fling
Just because he could kiss and shower me in things.
I wanted a forever love,
With you.
You were far from perfect,
And my flaws were countless;
But together,
It was endless.
Priceless.
You always stuck around,
Even through my confusion and saddness
You said "Never, will I leave
Not as long as I live"
And a promise of moving across the United States
Slipped from your lips;
A mistake...
You weren't ready.
To leave behind all you've ever known,
To come with me and call this your home.
Everyday I beat myself up,
For pushing you
For begging you
For not having enough faith in you.
I cry,
Wondering how many things I could have done
Better.
Diffierent.
The thing is, though...
I always thought if we ended,
You'd be loyal to our friendship even after.
Although, I said I could never see myself staying friends
After being lovers.
Now I see,
I need you and dear God,
I'm so sorry I was too blind to see that.
I want you back.
I want what we had because I try to move on
And everytime I'm brought back to you.
These other guys - They use me...
Abuse me.
At first I'd let them because without you
I thought I was nothing.
One day,
I heard your sweet voice in my head
Saying "I love you, get out of this... I would never treat you this way"
Telling me I was worth so much more...
I messaged you in a fit of rage
I said I wanted to move on
I said I wanted to have pointless sex with him
Because I always pictured it with you
And if you left me
ABANDONED me...
It didn't matter
That part of me wasn't precious enough to save.
You never responded.
As if to prove my point that you don't care
That there IS no point to hold on to
My precious body,
My bended and broken heart.
I know you didn't want to stop speaking to me,
You had to.
I just don't understand what a simple response
Would have harmed...
And for that I hate you...
Then.
I think to myself
Maybe, he couldn't respond
Because he still loves you
And he, himself can't move on.
Maybe,
You are waiting til you have yourself together
To show up here,
At my doorstep or at the airport...
Maybe...
But, I know.
This isn't one of those movies,
Maybe there is no happy ending for us.
I just need you to know
I love you.
I can't wait forever
But I know that my heart will never
EVER
Be able to completely move on...
Maybe one day,
You'll read this and it will touch your heart.
Enough to make you see,
How much you mean to me.
How much I wish you were next to me.
How in love I am with you.
How I love you
Endlessly.

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Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

Shelbylolann’s Poems (43)

Title Comments
Title Comments
My Feelings About You 0
Confessions 0
Lusting In My Sleep 0
SSToThePoint 1
Lights Out 0
Does YOUR Heart Race? 0
The Reading Room Is Full 1
The Dare 0
Flowing 0
In Love & Lust 1
Words That Roll Off Their Lips 1
Dear Sister 1
Dear Mom... 1
Dear Dad... 1
Dear Brother... 0
Life Motivated By Love 1
The Erotic Dream 1
I Wonder What It Would Be Like 1
You Make Me Feel 1
Faith & Love 1
Don't Fall Asleep! 1
Overwhelming Love 2
Today! (((Carpe Diem poem))) 0
Puzzle (Burlesque poem) 0
Is The Flame Dying? 1
Will You? 1
Neice (The Truth) 0
You Have Entered 0
For The First Time In Two Years 1
This is War 0
America: The Not-So-Fucked
-Up. (Reply poem to "Red, White and Blue by Sanctus)
6
To Write Love On Her Arm 2
We Stupid (A rap by Monay, Amanda and I) 1
Is It A Sin? 1
Love and Hate 2
Getting Used To This 1
The Youngest of All 1
A Far-Away Friend 2
The Words Come Easy To My Head 3
ABC's of Friendship 1
My Heart 1
My Left Four-Arm 2
Distant Love 6