"The Replacement" Revised

6 Comments

Tags:
  • Dark Poetry
    • TheAngelOfDeath
    • Posted a new poem first time is a few years check it out its a draft as of right now ill fix the spelling and stuff when I have time

    Poem Commentary

    This poem is a self image of the path of life my character as a poet follows. It shows a brief example of how TheAngelOfDeath as I have created him :would think: in my eyes. Other people may give there own interpretations of how I wrote this poem but as I see it the pain and torment that each person gets as a human is more than any angel
    (or in this poem TheAngelOfDeath) could never take.

    thank you for your time have a nice day.

    P.s. I love feedback if you have any I'm all ears.

    Thnx everyone
    Grim

    "The Replacement" Revised

    "The Replacement"
    (revised)

    My mind wanders, a lone traveler in search of his destiny

    My heart beats insync with the sound of the wind as it blows

    My faith is scattered like the leaves of fall as they cover up this desolate land that I call my home

    My trust is broken like that of a lone dog awaiting the return of an owner that will never come

    ..I am wasting away..

    Every particle of my shattered self image remains as a mirror to my soul

    ..As the tabels of life turn they Knock on the door to my sanity..
    And say
    ..Is anyone home.. 

    ..This pain is So.. unbearable..
    The Angel of Death would give his imortality to emaciate the sting

    "Hate will lead the path to life's extinction"
    ...The Replacement...
    Is me

    A poem By: TheAngelOfDeath

    Poem Comments

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    FiloRozzell commented on "The Replacement" Revised

    06-28-2009

    Once again my friend you validate the propts I have given you in the past. You dont hold back which is the only way to give it, ALL OR NOTHING, TRUTH OR NOTHING.
    Reply to Comment

    frog commented on "The Replacement" Revised

    06-20-2009

    I like the way the feelings are portrayed in this poem-particularly the mirror and the door. I honor your honesty in saying it like you feel it, instead of trying to paint a false picture in an effort to please others.
    Reply to Comment

    optimistic commented on "The Replacement" Revised

    06-19-2009

    This is very discouraging I hope in the future you are lead to a path of goodness and faith of a better tommorow.
    Reply to Comment

    AbysmalGoddess commented on "The Replacement" Revised

    06-19-2009

    This is good, though I think your last one described more... I agree with RH Peat about the 'So' and the last line underlined. Otherwise I like it, but the other one was more descriptive... it's your poem, what ever sings for you is what you should post, the most important thing is that it makes YOU happy, makes YOU satisfied. Are you satisfied with this? Read it and ask yourself. I know you will find the right way to put it. Beautiful work, as always, my friend!
    Reply to Comment

    RHPeat commented on "The Replacement" Revised

    06-19-2009

    Insync? or In sync?/ i don't have the first version in my dictionary / (That I call home.) If you are calling it home it's got to be yours. the dog waits for Its owner or owners, anyone that comes along can be an owner. Would a dog wait for anyone or its owner or owners. they are pack animals so family is what they love. Thats why they'll wait. (that of) still doesn't add anything to the meaning or the music of the line. it's dead weight in the line. (the angel of death would (give) his immortality)? or the angel of death would (offer) his immortality)? Don't you still have to accept it or reject it? Also the bold (so) is clumsy looking I'd just leave it in normal type and close up the gaps so that the end-stop on the line emphasizes unbearable. That's the real point, not the word (so). In the closure (Anger) might be better than (hate) it would encompass more negative vibes. The last line doesn't need to be underlined at all. If you want to draw more attention to it; put a space in front of it. But it is already isolated by making it read short and to the point. (is me!) and exclamation mark might help too. If you want to bring even more attention to it, which it really doesn't need at all. I think the opening still needs a stronger presentation of this visitor. Even something real simple as (when the visitors come) right below the first line would set the stage for all the forth coming description and the closing for when you get your replacement powers. Just a thought. Well it is improving. But it looks like it needs more polishing. A poet friend RH Peat.
    Reply to Comment

    Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

    Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

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