I often wonder, only to be distracted.
Usually by a pair of breasts, or a Colgate smile,
or by some random thought that seems to just
sneak itself right in and seize control.
Know what I mean?
You’re sitting there in your underwear,
arguing with yourself about where your life’s going, and then, poof,
that button you’ve been pushing on the remote has finally
made use of itself by landing the channel on a nice tight ass,
selling itself on an Ab Stretcher, or Bun Crusher,
or some other useful contraption that folds itself into a nice,
neat rectangle which you can then slide under
your bed and forget about completely, and suddenly,
who gives a rat’s ass if you were just on the verge of the greatest discovery
Mankind has ever had the luck to fall upon,
because next thing you know, you’re looking down at your midsection,
or feeling your own ass, and thinking,
“Jesus, where did this come from?”,
“Why is my ass no longer gravity resistant?”,
and next thing you know, a new image flashes forth from the screen,
showing some hot steaming flesh wrapped in a bun
that makes you wonder off into the kitchen
because you can fulfill that desire almost immediately.

So it was after one of these more profound moments
that another urge began to well up inside me.
“What the f*** am I doing here?”
I’m missing out on something major,
and god damn it, what is it?
I’m tired but I can’t sleep ‘cause if I do I’ll miss out.
And f*** all if I’ll ever let that happen.
Right?