i wish i could sleep...lay down and close my eyes and go to sleep...
what is it inside that scares me so badly that i can't even go to sleep...?
the dreams and images that invade my slumber taunt and torture me,
the memories and moving pictures of times i cannot forget...
the nightmares that i see when i close my eyes even before i fall asleep...
my mind will not rest...the pain will not stop...i cannot find peace...
exhausted...i am so tired...i just want to go to sleep...
i want to be normal...i want this to go away...i just want to smile again...
the world feels so big right now...and i feel so fucking small...
overwhelmed to the point that i spin...lost within my own psychie...
which way to go...what way to turn...where to look...i am spinning...
so much chaos inside...so much termoil...so much confusion...
doubt...self loathing...uncertain...so many questions...
who am i...why am i here...where do i belong...and how do i fit in...
what am i supposed to do...and how do i do it, when i don't know what IT is...
i want to fix what has broken...but with so much damage...where do i start...
it hurts to read my own words...but i cannot just lock them inside...
the thoughts and words and pain are like cancer...they devour me...
from the inside out...they burn holes through me...they rip and slash...
bite and tear...i bleed from the razor scars that slice my heart...
the thorns that puntcher my brain...the kicks to the teeth...
and the punches to the chest...i cannot recover from the onslaught...
beaten down...battered and bruised...bleeding and broken...
the words i hear...my own voice...the voices of others...echoes of past confessions...
converstions lost to time...still ring in my ears...still pulling tears from my eyes...
stinging my skin...slicing my heart...and bludgeoning my mind...
words cut deep...memories bleed real pain...some wounds shall always bleed...