Rebuilding

2 Comments

Poem Commentary

Kind of a sequel to my previous poem Emotional Wall

Rebuilding

I'm rising from the ashes
Being reborn into someone new.
The process is hard, and by far the most difficult i've ever attempted.
In the end though it'll be worth it.
I'll have remade my fortress.
The person that is me, is no longer who I once was.
Rebuilding, rebirth, these are essential in life.
When we fall, when we faulter, we must not stop.
We cannot give in, we must fight to be happy.
It won't just appear and fall in our laps.
When we feel we cannot fall any further,
When the darkness has surrounded us.
We must find that bleak light that is always there
Once we find this light, we must use it
Use it to become someone better
To become someone our old selves would envy
The light will always be there
But we must choose to find and embrace it
Once we do this, the doors will open
Embracing the light in the darkest of times
This is something we must all do
Never give up, don't let the darkness consume you

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SuperChick62 commented on Rebuilding

11-12-2010

A very strong message many people should hear. You have a few really good lines in this piece, especially liked the first two lines("I'm rising from the ashes//Being reborn into someone new") I love that concept. Rise from the dark, be remade in the light. Brilliant concept. I have yet to read the sequel, I'm about to after this critique. I do have a suggestion, first of all is a word choice, "we must find that bleak light that is always there." Bleak means hopelessness, black. Mayhap, dim? Faint? I believe that is what you meant. It's a good word, and I'm glad to see it used, and don't worry, I make such mistakes ALL the time. Everyone does, some never even learn what the word means. But that's another topic for another time. Your poem had a very strong message, which I, personally, agree with. No one should be consumed by darkness, instead, we should always embrace the happiness. Good read, good write, good job!

Mandi commented on Rebuilding

11-11-2010

oh boy , I get to start this huh? you spend a lot of time on self-examation that's okay to some extent but you reallly won't find yourself by looking iinward coontrary too what many know-it-alls say. They do not actually "know-it-all". And anyone who tells you they do is lying. Peoplegenrally find there worth in seeing how they treat others whether they like seem or not.

When power leads man towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.

John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) Thirty-fifth President of the USA

HatedPhoenix’s Poems (5)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Rebuilding 2
Heart Break 7
Light and Dark 2
True Monsters 2
Emotional Wall 2