Riding Backwards on the Ferris Wheel With Barbie Of All People
I was thinking just the other dayWhatever happened to my Barbie dolls, anyway?
I miss Barbie, Ken, Midge and Skipper
I always felt sorry for poor Ken
His member dismembered
Castrated and maimed at birth
Or was it just a horrible mistake
Made at the Doll Factory?
He had the most pathetic small tan round lump of plastic
Stuck carelessly between his legs
Did all men look like this?
I certainly hoped not.
Then there was Barbie
Who was so well-endowed
With measurments that read like a football play
48-19-32 hut hut hut.
I often wondered why she didn't topple right out
of her pink Caddilac
So top heavy was she
Why coudn't she share some of her extra plastic with poor Ken?
He was her boyfriend, after all
Midge was Barbie's best friend
Actually a carbon copy of Barbie
Except for the flaminging red flip
Inserted neatly into the top her head
Instead of Barbie's black short sensible "do"
Always perfectly coiffed, those two
Then along came Skipper
Who would have thought that Mattel
Could give a young girl as sweet as her
A name that belonged to the captain of some boat in the harbor?
It was in such poor taste,
Even I knew that
Many Barbies were born into adulthood
Most Barbies were rich and impractical
Shedding their clothes all over the house
Ball gowns, pajamas, high heels and bikinis
Low cut blouses, ridiculous little hats with netting attached
Wedding gowns for "the Big Day"
Pumps to be worn at the office, only
And panty hose to add insult to injury
With their neat and perfect seams running down the back of Barbie's legs
Wild plastic stallions for horse shows
Where Barbie won all the blue ribbons, naturally
Midge never held it against Barbie
Barbie was her best friend, after all
Barbie had a tennis racket that she carried in her van,
Just in case there was a game near by,
Maybe they would ask her to play?
Midge and Barbie loved to overnight at each other's homes
Eating popcorn and drinking coca colas out of tiny little straws
By the end of the night they were too weak to stand on their
minute cramped little feet that stayed in that perfect little arch
So that their high heals would stay on all night long
Just in case they got asked to the high school dance
at the last minute.
That's when the hot rollers came out of the box
That Barbie lived in when she wasn't occupied
With her very busy social calander
She was booked for months sometimes years in advance
So popular was she
She gladly shared her throne with Midge and then Skipper
Anxious to catch up on the news from the doll factory
They often talked about poor Ken
Maybe they could give him an implant?
Things would be so much better if they'd only agree
To do the surgery
Barbie also had a high class poodle
I don't recall if the dog was ever
Given a name of his own
Let's just call him Spot
Spot had a designer sweater that Barbie knit for him
All by herself
It was a most amazing creation
It perfectly matched the color of his collar
Which was red, of course
To match Barbie's fresh coat of lipstick
Which she reapplied as often as was necessary
She didn't ever want to caught
With no make-up on
Heaven forbid that this might ever happen to her
Not the Barbie I knew, at least
Midge and Barbie would often exchange clothes
And were forever forgetting their belongings
At each others homes
But this was just another ploy
To go back and spend one more night together.
Sometimes Ken came over to visit.
I think he may have had a friend named Allen
But I don't remember him well
My Ken was brunette, but my sister's Ken was blonde
Sometimes the two Kens traded clothes, just like Barbie and Midge
They often wondered why
Barbie and Midge never asked them to spend the night
Not enough plastic for Barbie or Midge
Who told them to please come back
After their implant operation
Things would be better, much better for everyone involved.
The End
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