A silent scream

Lonely tears, quiet tears,
several years of hurtful tears, endless fears, no one hears me,
I scream in silence, internal violence,
why me?, why did it happen?
why couldn’t I stop it back then.
I said stop, didn’t I?
Or does no one know the “no” in my cry.
Betrayed by trust, prisoner of lust.
Captured by desire,
the foolish smile of an unwilling liar.
How to let it go? How to get past years of hurt, of low self-worth,
Wanting others to look at me and see,
the real me hidden behind my insecurity.
Where do I fit, where do I belong?
wanting do right yet caught doing wrong.
Can I let it go? Help me!
Losing the game with the cards that were dealt me.
I imagine me being free, of chains being loosed,
but unable to fly still shackled to the truth.
Not good enough, not pretty enough, not worthy enough for love,
looking above.
Finding silence, struggling to live but wanting to die since
The demons haunt me,
remind me of a world that didn’t want me.
Of a man that used me, abused me,
asking for love but he refused me.
My struggle is invisible to the world,
they all see a grown woman where there is only a little girl.
Low self-esteem, dried up broken dreams, lined my hall of shame,
Yet I was cleansed internally by calling on His name.
Made holy, made righteous through repentance,
convicted by sin but God erased my sentence.
Forgiving my predators, learning to forget my debtors,
looking to you for strength, to end the hurt that filled my days,
now I have destroyed it all with the power in my praise.
Not a prophet, not knowing what God has in store,
but glory to God because of him I know that I am a victim no more.