Silently, Secretly but Slowly

I'm tired of writing how i feel about boys. I realized most of the guys i'm with are complete jerks. So there's an exception to what i have to say...so just listen.

I give my heart out so easily,
and it comes back torn into tiny pieces you can't even see.

Its like your blind, helpless and careless.

...but slowly the jigsaw puzzle forms together into a shape of a heart because of someone special to me.

Let me just say that i've never felt so safe with anyone in my whole 18 years.
I can really trust him with everything I have but the scary thing is...giving my heart out is my main fear.

Just sitting here thinking about him,
writing how I feel,
in class,
not focusing on my school work,
because I forgot my damn English book again,
sounds pretty lame.

Hoping and Praying to Zombie Jesus that this boy feels the same.

My head hurts just trying to figure out what i'm trying to say but,
maybe its not the right time.
Maybe i'm taking this a little too fast,
maybe just the oppsite. 
I mean were best friends right?
We can wait.
I think I can...ok...
fine i'll give in but shhhh i'm Secretly falling for my best boyfriend. 
Ha I said boyfriend...I Wish.
I have so many reasons to why I am...but...not yet...Its not the time.

When we first met things were complicated for the both of us, especially me. 
I wanted him more and more each day that passed by,
but something pushed me back so far I fell off the edge of the earth...
(the other girl). I had gave myself headaches for days screaming because it was beyond torture. 
After awhile I got used to it and i helped him anyway I could to make them stay together. 
I did make it work, 
cause I wanted him to be happy,
even if I wasn't the right girl.
Magically I made a wish and got the boy I wanted.

Ever since then I silently told myself every night before I went to bed "I absolutely Love him:))".