Some see my pride, some think its confidence

My facade of kindness in the face of forced abstinence

In the middle of an epidemic of indifference

Those who really know, know its my own self punishment

When greed and sloth and gluttony, lay waste to fortitude and charity

And mysticism fills the void of the absence of humanity

Only in this world can my anger be envied

by the masses of the reprobates who delight in my cruelty

And the venom that I spew

is funny as long as it not aimed at you

If lust is a deadly sin and patients is a virtue

It says a lot about my character when I cant wait to fuck you

Then leave you in the morning doubting your decisions

As I drive home and rationalize

If you want me than your not good enough

well at least not in my eyes

Mourning a loss for something that was an illusion

Cursing at God and blaming this world

when it was myself who wouldn’t even try

So where is god in all of this doubt and pain,

shooting dice for my soul in this grandeur of dilution

As I’m standing in a doorway that leads to the abyss

Time to turn around slam the door shout, scream or cry

Drop to my knees and pray to the sky.

That I can stop

Spending half the time in a mode of self destruction

and the rest trying to fix the situation

Of my self imposed desperation

By crushing pseudo vanity or living vicariously

And stumbling through life hilariously

And prey to anything for just a little help

And try to create my own salvation

As I navigate my sins and virtues

And finally end this moral