Soon

I take every chance I can to look at the moon.
I take every chance I can to see the stars.
Then, when the night is done,
I walk in the bathing sun.
And when I see my shadow, I know
That I must go,
And leave not even my shadow to show.
I cannot break free from this death-row's prison bars.
I am going to have to go.
Soon.
----------
Some say there is a heaven above.
But this is the world that I love.
This great, green, water-flowing earth,
Where my dear mother gave me birth--
This world of colors, sounds, tastes, smells, and textures to touch--
This earth where I was born.
Here, where I frolicked in fun with my beloved brother;
And later, with my two beloved sisters, shared life and joy.
Here, where as a grown man, I became a lover;
And found, in my several lovers, over time--and in my seven-years wife--
Serially, and monogamously--the best spiritual and physical joys of my life.
- - - - - - -
There may be another world--but, really, I want this world, not another.
This is the one where I became a life-loving man.
This is the one where I was once a happy little boy.
This is the world filled with all that I know and love and hold of worth.
This is the world that, every moment of every day that slips away,
I cling to, with all my heart and all my senses, and joyfully love so much.
Of course, I hope when I go, to pass to some new good world, some day.
But this earth is where I yearn, with great love and heart's desire, to stay.
- - - - - -
Besides, for all I know,
It may be my fate to go below--
Either to a terrible place of almost unimaginable pain and woe,
Or to a no-place of absolutely unimaginable oblivion.
I hope and pray--either here on earth again--or, I hope, somewhere--
God will grace me with good new life, to answer my hope and prayer.
I hope and pray my love of life, my joy of life--somehow, some day--
Finds rebirth; and that, after death, I shall see a brandnew joyful dawn.
But no matter what I want, I know that what will be, will be.
Regarding my world now, my life in this flesh is tenuous--my time is torn.
And, from what I've read, and what I've been told, I'm going to be gone.
Soon.
---------
So I'll say this good farewell,
Before the eyes I now see with, forever close.
Whether I shall be resurrected to a new Paradise;
And joyfully see the same sun and stars greet my life-loving new eyes,
And the silver sphere of the night-shrouded full moon;
Whether it is to compassionate heaven my spirit goes,
Or whether to some cruel insane hell,
Or whether it is into strange oblvion that I must fall:
I say farewell, and I love you all.
I pray that God will show
Grace and mercy to me and to you.
Now, there is nothing to stop this coming dying that I can do.
I must go.
Soon.

(Written after my oncologist told me I cannot have the PARP-1 inhibitors )

Written by Michael LP
aka MLP, aka Mr. Poet, aka PoetWithCancer, aka PWC
(I'm just me)
Copyright © 2009 by Michael L.P.  All rights reserved.