Stripped Away

3 Comments

Poem Commentary

A new take on my poetry, I wanted to attempt freestyle as I've never really attempted it before. I hope this is as good as my traditional rhyming poems.

Stripped Away

A gash in the chest, my heart exposed.
artery slashed, my life bleeds out.
these are the things, you did to me
these are the things, you could not see.

My life is gone; Stripped away
My soul is tainted, with my blood.
You see me die again and again.
You laugh, I laugh; All goes dark

Covered in sin, covered in hate
I see you in my dreams.
Like an angel, like a demon
you're somewhere in between

Where is heaven, what is hell?
this place is made for both.
roses fade out, ashes fade in.
and yet you do not know.

This is hell, not a heaven
A place where we can burn
Kill me now, and I'll kill you later
and then we can start again.

A gash in the chest, my lungs exposed
you see my very last breath
I say your name, but you say his.
and my life is stripped away.

Poem Comments

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nini2323 commented on Stripped Away

10-05-2009

in your last breath you say her name and she says his, this is very telling makes me wonder what the words before the name were, nice job

SuperChick76 commented on Stripped Away

10-04-2009

Wow, beautifully written. I like how even though in freestyle you still had a flow. Not many people can. Good, job, congrats!

HeroOfWriting commented on Stripped Away

10-04-2009

Wow, very powerful and dark. I like it. You said something about no rhymes, but it flows very well.

Venom637

10/04/2009

Thanks. I was so worried about this poem not being any good.

A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. It finds the thought and the thought finds the words.

Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

Venom637’s Poems (35)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Curse from God 0
Tainted 2
Gothic Christmas 1
Shattered Souls 1
Blank 2
I am darkness 0
I could only try 1
Broken 2
Cloak 0
This is it 3
My prayer 4
Escape 2
Alone 2
Tainted 2
Succubus 0
Reflection 3
Twisted 1
Stripped Away 3
Dead Man's dance 3
Darkness Rang 1
One Thorn 2
Life 1
Insane 0
FairyTale 0
Lost 1
Mislead 0
Dead 1
Dead once more 2
The roses were red 2
For the life we live 0
The Last Rose 2
Against my will 2
The Color Red 3
Sea of Lies 5
Ten Black Roses 9