Teacher

2 Comments

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  • Life

    Poem Commentary

    I really suck at rhyming poetry. So I thought I'd give it a serious try. This finished poem, I think, needs a little more work. It feels off somehow. A little unbalanced. Let me know what I can do to improve it.

    Teacher

    No mornings wake with ardor now,
    Nor lustful heat bring waking nights.
    No tender kisses make me bow;
    My pride restored, my soul delights.

    Love burgeons in daily defeat;
    Equating that both must suffer.
    Wherein each loss considered sweet,
    Each victory earned together.

    If lovers vie for victory,
    They trample well the defenseless.
    Fighting strong for territory,
    They suffer loss of tenderness.

    In truth, pride a cold bedmate makes.
    As well, souls are lonely creatures.
    Inept lovers who make mistakes,
    Are truly Love's only teachers:

    Solitude brings strength aplenty,
    But rarely warms the bitter cold --
    Nor shares joy in times of bounty.
    Love kindly, in giving be bold. 

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    Magician commented on Teacher

    09-05-2010

    Wow what a piece of strong feeling and the wording was perfect thanks for the good reading off to bed :)

    Jammin

    09/27/2010

    Wow. Thank you. I was expecting more harsh criticism so this pleases me a lot!!

    A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. It finds the thought and the thought finds the words.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

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