Don’t let me face myself

The things I’ve done

The brothers I’ve lost

I wish I was free

Stuck in a place I never came back from

This day

The 19th of July

The day that finally broke me

Up to this day

I took all the killings

All the death

But

What finally broke me

Was losing her

The love of my life

While still fighting over there

The first few years after

The date still belonged to her

I still missed her

Longed for her

Seven years later

She serves as a symbol

Of all the horror of war

I went through

This day no longer belongs to her

But to my brothers

The ones I left behind

The ones worth remembering

It belongs to those I took from this earth

They may have been evil

Fell at my hand

But I will never forget their faces

Somewhere someone loved them

Misses them

A respect for life in remembering my enemy

Keeps me human

This day is so dam hard every year

Harder to bear

Because I’m alone

Have to carry myself through it all

The memories

Those that never served

That never saw combat

Don’t understand

“Just forget about it and move on”

If only it was that simply

If I could forget the ones I killed

I would

BUT

I’ll NEVER forget those I left behind

My brothers

Must keep their memories alive

The only way they’ll live on

This is the 19th for me

An endless pain I’ll have in the Heart

Till the day I die…

-Fin-